Monsters

Part 1

My life was like trying to make a square fit into a circle. I bullied at school, and my parents didn't know it. I felt most comfortable when I was alone. I needed the darkness of my room, the covers over my head, and the depressing music blasting in my ears.

Food, I'd say, was my biggest comfort. If I was depressed, I'd eat my feelings. If I was happy, I'd eat what I like the most. I would eat when I felt angry, disappointed, rejected, and ugly. Sometimes, I would eat until I got uncomfortable only because I craved it, but I did totally regret it afterwards. At least food would never turn its back on me, like people did, I thought.

I lay in my bed, running my fingers through my long black hair then realize that I have yet to change into my pajamas. I wore my favorite pair of skinny jeans, and t-shirt.

I couldn't help, but think about school the next day. It was late, and my body refused to relax. Insomnia threatened me with heavy thoughts, and strange questions, only complicated people would think about. I envy people who sleep so easily, I think. I get up, grab my jacket, and go to my nightstand. I pull out a white, and red box, and put it in my jacket pocket. I take the cigarette into my hand, and place it in my mouth. My mind felt so foggy. I really WANT a cigarette, I thought.

The light softly peaked through the curtains from the window. I go to the window, and try to open it; completely forgetting that I broke the latch into place last time I almost got caught smoking in my room. It wasn't going to open. I grunt, grabbing my lighter from back pocket.

Quietly, I tiptoe downstairs, walk over to the door, and push it open soundlessly. Climbing onto the roof, and find my favorite spot, away from the window. I would have sat in the exact same spot, if my fucking window would have opened, I think to myself. I cup the tip of the cigarette, light it, breathe in slowly. I definitely needed a cigarette.

I look up at the night sky. The stars beamed brighter then they did yesterday. It was the time of year where the leaves changed color, and descended from the trees to the earth, to say hello. Fall was my favorite season.

I really couldn't help, but think how exhausted I was mentally. Was this cigarette making me more tired? I took my jacket off, letting the cold wind hit my skin, hoping it would wake me. Laying my back, and take a nice long drag. I flick it, and watch the orange ashes float away in the breeze. Breathe in, blow out, and relax. I raise the lighter, having my second cigarette. This time, I twist the cigarette around with my fingers. I was addicted to smoking. My parents would freak out if they found if I did.

The moon was abnormally large, and bathed the earth with a silver luminous glow. Tonight will be better than all the other nights, I think.

"Demi." Someone shouts.

I freeze as the hair on my neck stand up. I lower the cigarette to my side, and quickly blow the gray into the air.

"Selena." I say relieved. I climb down, and walk to the porch.

"I missed you." She says. She embraces me tightly.

"I missed you more." I kiss her. Our lips moving in sync perfectly, as I enter my tongue into her mouth. Things heat up quickly, and I breathe through my nose. I lose my breath.

"Mmm, stop." She moans, and detaches herself from me.

"You know what happened last time you did that."

I smiled, thinking back to when we first decide to make love to each other. It was perfect.

We were together for about six months now. It was the longest relationship I ever had with a girl. Selena was afraid to tell my parents she was my girlfriend. But they accepted her into the family very easily.

I understood that her parents were religious. Being gay was never really brought up in her house, so we've kept it a secret. I wanted to be there whenever she came out to her parents, though I haven't met them yet... I knew she wasn't ready to say anything. She was still coming to terms with it herself.

We hold hands as we slip inside, walk up the stairs, and lay down on my bed.

"Your hands are cold, Sel." I say, and bring them up to my face to kiss them.

"I don't know why." She says quietly, "It wasn't even that cold outside."

"It's going to get colder. Right now, it's only fall. School only started a few months ago." I whisper.

"I can't believe we're juniors now, I feel old," She laughs.

Selena was the girl everyone got along with at school. She was vice president of the Student Council, captain of the varsity softball team, and was known for taking our school bowling team to the State Championships. Out of all the girls I know in school, I was the one to say that Selena was mine.

It's almost one in the morning. It felt like it was time for school already. I realized that I was so deep in thought , while on the roof, that I never even heard Selena's car pull up into the driveway. The temperature drops in my room, so I cocoon myself with blankets, and spoon her. The hint of cigarette smoke that lingered on my shirt relaxed me, and we slowly both drift off to a quiet sleep.

The next morning, my parents and I find Selena in the kitchen. The table was set with breakfast. It was only 5.30am, and Selena already had so much energy. The aroma of bacon was probably why my dad ended up waking up so early on his day off. I couldn't believe that my sisters weren't even awake for this. Selena walks over to me, kisses my cheek, and we eat together as a family.

"Mm, she makes pancakes the same way your mother does, Dems." He said, happily stuffing his face with his second plate of food. "It's so good."

Selena smiles, and collects all the other dishes, and places them in the sink.

"Maybe later I can cook dinner." She laughs.

I head up stairs for a quick shower, and leave Selena and my mother to talk about how to prepare the dessert for later. By the time I get out of the shower, I see Selena, laying on my bed. Soft rock music plays from the speakers by the tv. She turns to me, and smiles.

"You're half naked! Thought you would be ready by now." She teases.

"I know you want to see more." I wink at her, and slip my clothes on.

Selena leaves the room to heat the car. I quickly dry my hair, do my make up, and put on my shoes.

I swing my bag over my shoulder, and I head to the car.

Selena sat on the hood of the car, and she opens the door for me.

"You look nice today." She comments, and kisses my cheek.

She was about to pull out of the drive way when she suddenly slams on the brakes.

"Whoa, wait!" she exclaims, and unbuckles her seat belt.

"What?" I ask, feeling startled.

Selena runs from the car to the ladder, and climbs it. What the fuck is she doing? I think. Selena hates being late for school. We leave at a certain time every day, just to get there early. I see her go my bedroom window then disappears behind the tree branches. She walks back to the car, and I realize it's so cold I can see her breath. 

Selena closes the car door, and hands me my coat.

"I remember you left your jacket on the roof yesterday." She smiles, and points to the pocket.

"Do you mind?" I ask, holding up a box of cigarettes.

She looks at me, and curls her lips inward, and shakes her head.

Selena wasn't a fan of cigarettes ever since she quit, but she let me smoke anyway.

She has never said no to me.

We pull into the parking lot as soon as I finish my cigarette. I put on my jacket, and hide the lighter in the inside pocket.

"Ready for class?" She asks, holding her hand out to me.

"No." I say, taking her hand. "I want to leave."