The Story of Angelica

chapter three

“Angelica you better pay attention and don't worry over silly things your grades are dropping!” I hear this everyday, the same yelling, over, and over, and over again getting so used to the consistency. When the consistency is gone what will be left then? Will I just become my father and do this to other people? If I have children of my own I would do this to them? Will I scare them just due to my traumatic experiences? Can I be myself for my abusive, alcoholic, father figure that tells me and my sisters everything that's wrong about us when he needs to take a hard long look at the cold shell of a man he has become. Turning on us in a matter of seconds just if someone offered to give him a bottle of liquor and a pack of cigars. I look up at the man standing in front of me and coldly say,” Yes father but you need to remember to stop drinking. You have a family that loves you and needs you as a father but I don't think you do anymore if you keep acting like this.” I turned to leave but I was stopped by my wrist and turned to face the person that had stopped me. His cold brown eyes looking into mine,”I am your father  treat me with respect like your brother.” He passed in thought for one brief moment and continued,” That is actually not possible is it? You have always been under everyone’s shadow. After your stupid Jayon died you fell farther into the dark. That’s why you help your sisters, isn’t it? You feel the need to be the mother now because of what reason? To satisfy your own selfish needs. To feel as if you belong to something, that you matter. Well you need to learn something fast.” He leaned into my ear and whispered, ”You will never matter. You will never be loved by anyone or anything. All you will ever be,” he raised his hand, becoming ready to slap me, ”is one useless piece of sh-” The doorbell then dinged. He points to my room with a mad glare in his eye, ̈ Don't tell your sister what has happened because unlike you, they have a future and don ́t need to worry about useless nonsense.” I walked to my room hearing the door open. I hear a drunken man’s voice then the sound of my father ́s voice telling me he left. I opened the door in a sliver once hearing the door close, afraid of what could   happen if my father was waiting behind this door. The thought terrified me. Taking in a deep breath, however, I decided to go in, since either way I would have to face what was inside that room that awaited me. I open the door slowly making sure I make no noise. 
I peak around the corner but see nothing but darkness all around. I stood in the middle of the living room and sat, burying  my head in my knees and starting crying. What do I do if everything he said is true. All I can do is fail isn't it, all I am is a huge terrible mess with no power over anything. I lift my head up and see a dark figure standing in front of me holding out its hand. I try standing up but gravity is holding me down, making me feel as weak as ever. It holds out its hand to me. I try speaking but what do I say? When I don't take the hand this thing bends down and its face is near mine. I try to speak confidently but what I say comes out more like a squeak,”W-Who are you? It tilts its head and opens its mouth when a painful terrible ringing fills my ears. Soon after I hear a rough and raspy voice ,” I am the thing you fear most in the world,” it pauses ,” yourself ̈ This thing stood up and everything around me went dark but I could still hear the noise echoing through my head as if there was someone in my head screaming. I try to stand up but fall painfully on my knees and try again, I keep trying but I fall. I want to give up but I can't prove them wrong. I try standing up one final time but fall on the ground feeling a sharp pain through my hand and scream,” Just let me go please, leave me alone !” I stand up waiting to feel some sort of pain but nothing comes. I finally feel the solid floor under  my feet and a light comes through a strange door. I have memorized every space and room in this house but this is not one of them. The way it's placed is not normal, the design and paint on it. The thing that is ticking me off the most is the light coming from it. It was almost like a blue ray of light. I Want to get out of wherever this place is, so I follow the light and hope it leads me to something. Once I get to the door I realize the writing and the design on the door. It was something I’ve  never seen before and out of pure curiosity I ran my hands around the lettering and felt a sharp pain go through my whole body feeling a burning feeling. Blood, with a feeling of fire had begun coursing my veins making me feel as if I was in the fiery pits of the underworld. I start to feel my head spin and feel like my head is dangling by a string. The only thing I can begin to feel is the pain in my head and hand. The burning in my hand and head start to overwhelm me, feeling as though I'm drowning myself in the painful fire. I start feeling light headed and fall on my knees that  can feel the dripping blood for the entire time I had fallen on the floor before that. I lose all power in my legs while feeling my entire body is in pain ¨floor”; I feel like there is a nail being put into both my hands as well as my head. I try to pull my hand up and put the minute they raise they fall at the same time. The black figure comes back .
I look at this thing walking slowly over to me smiling but with no teeth just white emptiness. It looks at me with the only thing it's doing is staring and walking. The  feeling the creature is giving me is absolutely unsettling. This whole thing is unsettling, I don't even have the slightest idea of where I am or who I am with or why I am feeling is pain at all. The creature gives out a noise as if they are trying to speak but makes a screeching noise. The creature stares at me and as before the ringing starts. I try to cover my ears shielding the painful noise but still can't move at all. I only felt the pain of what my father had said to me ;the noise became louder than before. I feel my ears start to bleed; the voice comes back saying something I cannot understand or hear. I try to speak and only manage a small squeak. This thing looks at me and ̈speaks ̈ again and I can completely understand ,̈We all have a story that we never tell, our old ways won't open new doors , without the rain there will never be any flowers don't let pain get in your way heal yourself never doubt ; Never give yourself the terrible feeling of sadness and never let yourself get in your way.¨ This thing moved and the black goo that was one it before had started evaporating. It was as if the substance was boiled water turning into a thick mist. It slowly became visible as a person, the torso first then the legs and face that looks oddly familiar.
I felt my heart quicken and the blood stopped spilling from my body and the ripped and torn skin started to grow and replace itself. I soon start to feel strength return in my body trying to lift my hand, I feel my entire body twitch and lift the entire body lift off the ground. I look over at the creature and its hand is lifted to the same level I'm at  but I notice something, its hand is cut the same way my mother's had. The creature lowers its hand and I lower as well until I am entirely on the ground and see the things eyes. I look closely, aqua blue, the same color as my mother and the only person I have ever seen with that color eyes. I feel the color fade back into my body. Although the pain is still there. I walk toward my mother, and she smiles for what reason I don't know. I look at her and all I see is her eyes, it was the loveliness that my father thought had gone to some other man that wasn't him. My mother looked at me though I was something beautiful like she had done back when she was alive. When in reality she had really been the most beautiful woman on earth, her aqua eyes, raven hair, and perfect straight white teeth.  Mother smiled at me revealing those teeth I had wished were mine, she spoke,her voice another thing I loved about her,’’ I remember when you were little you wanted to be better than your family,you wanted to be the best. You promised me that you wouldn't turn into the family.”I think about what she says, her side was the worst,I never knew my brother but heard he was worse than anyone but father loved him. My father is a terrible person, I try but I can't stop him. I tear up and lose my entire strength and fall into my mother's arms. I love her, the only good thing in my entire life. If what this is turns out to be fake I might as well tell her what I feel especially at my weakest point,” I'm so sorry, I failed you I failed everyone. Everyone on Earth hates me, the only good thing is El and Mya. You had to leave us with him, you could have stayed,” I feel my chest in agonizing pain but I have to finish,” You left me at the worst time I hate you for it but I love you, more than a daughter should have but I did, and you went and left us you left me. I want to die now. You didn’t even die, he killed you and you let him, YOU LET HIM I HAD TO TAKE CARE OF ALL OF THEM!” I felt blood and power leave my body. My mother looked at me in her arms and she held me even tighter and looked at me in the way she used to. Her eyes are loving with an extra shine and glow that makes my heart skip a beat. She put her hand against my cheek and tears rolled down her face,she looked amazing even when she cried. It was all I wanted.I wanted to be with her.”I'm sorry,” she started,”I never wanted to leave you with him. I wanted to be with you.” she grabbed my face and smiled,” I am so sorry I had to leave to know but you are stronger than this you always wanted to be better than us to be better than everyone.”
I look at my mother and remember all of my childhood of me telling her I can be better, that I will be better. I wish I could go back in time and give her all I had like a day before. 
That one day when we all had gone out to the river and had a picnic. My father had been nicer than everyone had been nicer then but I was just weaker. We chose a spot next to the river so my father could paint. He loved to paint, so we all enjoyed the scenery and wanted him to recreate it.     Me and Elizabeth went to the river and put our feet in the clear, blue, beautiful water. Elizabeth had been much younger back then but I had the same mind I do now. I had seen things my sister's hand ́t from what I know I had seen more than my brother. I had seen more and felt more like I was the protector at the same time as well. I took care of them and I made sure of it. Only I couldn't that day. Elizabeth thought that our father might want to feel the water but she couldn't be more wrong. When I wasn't looking Elizabeth had cupped up water and threw it at my father. He chuckled until he saw the dripping paint coming down. My father tried to stop it but just smeared the paint over. Anger, furry, and a small bit of sadness filled his eyes. My sister smiled and her eyes were worried.
My father raised his hand and threw it down. I quickly closed my eyes and when I heard the impact, my mother was standing there instead of Elizabeth. My father looked at my mother in complete anger.
 “ Why did you get in the way, I need to teach your daughter a lesson,” he growled instead of his calm voice he had used with us. 
My mother's face darkened and her eyes grew dark,” She is your child, you are her father and you raise your hand to hurt her. That is abuse Aaron. You're not allowed to hit children. It's against the law, you have to get that through your thick skull.” She looked at him as if he was a Prisoner that had just murdered her daughter. That if he had just ruined the world for her. 
My father looked at her as if she was crazy. Then he looked at me and smiled,” Well she’s not my daughter is she?” He walked towards her,”She’s not mine is she, she’s only his and yours.” He looked at me,”She even looks like him, he was so pathetic.” He looked at me and smiled,” Just like you.” My mother stood in front of him and slapped him. He raised his fist getting ready to punch her. I pushed her out of the way and got hit instead. I grabbed Elizabeth and helped my mother up. We grabbed the car and drove away. I remember my father's face so vividly that day and how scared I was. How I had teachers asking me why I had a black eye. I really hated it so much. I wanted to leave. I wanted to fly away but my family had to go through this so I had to as well.
I look at my mother. She smiled at me and said,”So you do remember.” She smiled and touched my face while I teared up. I hugged her,” I missed you so much you wouldnt understand if I told you.” She held me close,” I know I’ve missed you too but I have to go.”
 I hold her tight please don't leave me.” I looked up and she was gone. I looked around and color fully came back. I see the blood and my knees and wrists. I see the broken glass and a trail of blood coming from the living room. I fell on the floor, I think I should rest.