The night that changed everything

    With wounded lips and salted cheeks I pull the sheets around my body. I watch as his pale body climb off the bed as I fight the nausea building in the pit of my stomach. I need to get out of here. I need to wash away the pain.

    How can I wash away the hurt when nothing will wash away the smell of his body on mine. Nothing will wash away the sting of tears down my face. Nothing will wash away the look of his eyes in my mind. Nothing will wash away what he did. Nothing will change the fact that he took a piece of me when he took what he wanted.

    I glance down my eyes lock on the blood stained sleeve as my mind replays the night. The darkness washes over me pulling me down. It feels like I'm trying to scream but the water has pulled me under. Down to the deepest depths. I don't know what's real anymore. How could this have happened?

    You were supposed to be nice, you were supposed to love me but instead you stole a part of me. Instead you took a broken girl and used her for what you wanted. You told me I was nothing without you and I believed you. All it took was one time to change everything.

    I walk through the door wondering if they'll be able to tell. Will they see my tear streaked face? Can they tell I'm not the same. Will they be able to tell a part of me has been taken? No. They don't notice. I try to scream it out. I try to cry out for help. But they don't want to hear. They don't know.

    I hug my arms around myself knowing I'm alone. I'm alone terrified of the dark. For the dark holds every memory. Holds every image, every scream, every plea. The dark holds the truth, the pain, the hurt, the numbness. The dark holds what I'm so desperately trying to run from.

    I push the thoughts of being gone down further. I push away the thoughts of how, if I would be able to, and would I be afraid? I want this pain to end. It feels like I am bleeding out on the inside because of what you did but I won't let you steal anymore of me than you already have. I won't let you rip apart my life any more than you already have. I can't. I know this pain will never go away. I know I will never be able to change the past, to change what you've done but I will not let you define me. One night to you may have lasted years for me but that doesn't change the fact that I'm still here.

    Our eyes meet and all I can see is the end. I see the light at the end of. You try to say you're sorry. You say you need me. You can't do this without me. You tell me I'll never find anyone better. But don't you see. You're not sorry. You can save your apologies you're nothing but a liar. You'll never be sorry for the things you've done. To you, you did nothing wrong. You never needed me, you needed someone to crush to make you feel better. Don't you see. I don't want someone like you. I want to be loved, truly loved. I need someone to protect me, I need a gentle touch not a raging beast.

    It's time a take back the light that you stole. It's time for me to wear all the pain and truth like a battle wound. I now know you will never touch me again. You will never pull me down into the darkness. I will not let you. I don't need you. I am no longer ashamed. I know I did nothing wrong.

    There may be a part of me I will never be able to get back but I am here. I am stronger than you thought. I am the light in the darkness. I will continue to fight. I will survive this storm.