Haikyuu Angst Station

Eat. Its ok (Kurotsukki)

TW FOR EATING DISORDERS

Kuroo stood in front of the mirror, disgusted by what he saw. His shirtless torso. He glanced at the packed bag on the floor next to him. Another volleyball training camp had been organised, he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t excited he loved seeing the other teams, the other captains namely just Bokuto and Daichi, and damn he would never admit how much he missed Tsukishima.
What he wasn’t excited for was the food. His mind had come to the conclusion that his body wasn’t good, it was ugly, fat, disgusting. He still hadn’t come up with how he would skip meals. He knew that eating and purging later was not an option, people would get suspicious and he really didn’t need the confrontation on what he was doing to himself. 
There was barely a knock before his mother entered the room. He spun around so fast and almost made a move to cover his body, but then he realised it was his mother and she wouldn’t think he’s fat...right? She gave his body a look over, it made him feel very uncomfortable and the voice in his head decided now was the time to speak up.
‘She sees it too the fat, gross, disgusting person that you are,’ It made him feel nauseous. Her eyes met his. She gave him a sad sort of smile. She approached him in a calming way and cupped his cheeks with her hands.
“Are you feeling ok Sweetie?” He almost said no. He almost spilled that he hated every part of himself, the last meal she made for him didn’t make it aware near his mouth and the stabbing feeling in his stomach makes him feel accomplished. But he didn’t, he gave her a scarily convincing smile.
“I’m ok, just really excited to see everyone,” She nods and removes her hands from his face and leaves the room. A wave of relief washes over Kuroo when she does. He walks back over to his bed and throws on the shirt that lay on it, a smile reaches his face when he glances at the mirror and the shirt that used to cling to his body, no longer did. It hung on his shoulders and didn’t hug his sides as it once did.
Kuroo went over his packed items and made sure he had everything needed for the trip and headed down stairs. He gave his mother a hug and a smile to ease her worry. He opened the front door and as he walked out he almost didn’t hear what his mother said.
“Goodbye my beautiful boy,” He didn’t have to turn around for her to know he heard her. He gave her one last wave without turning and headed to the bus stop.
(one bus trip later)
“HEY HEY HEY KUROOOOOOO MY MAN!!” The said man turned to see a very familiar mop of grey and black air running towards him. Very fast. Oh god he’s going to knock us over. Next thing he knew he back it the ground with a solid thud. He opened his eyes to see Bokuto looking down at him with a blush and confused look on his face. 
“O-oh sorry bro i thought you’d be able to catch me,” He held his hand and helped Kuroo up, and into a bro hug. Kuroo hugged back. Bokuto pulled back with an odd look on his face.
“Hey man have you lost weight?” Shit. Kuroo quickly searched through his brain to find an excuse. Then he practically vomited out some excuse about not noticing a change. To which he was very thankful that Bokuto just agreed and didn’t ask any questions. They headed into the gym to warm up when the Karasuno team burst through the door. An orange ball of energy flew towards Kenma. Kuroo smiled at the interaction but turned his head just in time to see Tsukishima walk through the door talking to Yamaguchi about something. His smile only widened when Tsukki seemed to notice he was being looked at and gave a small wave. Everything was going to be fine.

Everything was NOT going to be fine! He couldn’t do it, he couldn’t stomach dinner. After only 5 minutes of being there Kuroo had to excuse himself to the bathroom because all of the food he had to force down his throat decided to resurface. He was leaned over the toilet bowl, as his dinner climbed up his throat and into the toilet. He was shaking, a few unwanted tears slid down his face mixing with the vomit in the toilet. 
“Kuroo? You ok? You left pretty quickly?” Nonono he wasn’t ok. Please save him. He needed help.
“Yeah man, I think something I ate didn’t agree with me,” He used his still shaking arms to push himself off the ground and to flush the toilet. He wiped his hand across his mouth to make sure there wasn’t any vomit still there and unlocked the stall. His eyes met with the concerned ones of the Karasuno captain. He knew for a fact there was no lying to this man, but he could try. He explained he just wasn’t feeling too good and was going to take a walk to get some fresh air. He knew he was lucky Daichi let it slide. 
On his walk, Kuroo found a park bench on the campus. He placed his head in his hands. Then the seat creaked and there was a presence next to him. He looked up and saw it was Tsukishima. He had his usual calm aura about him and he stayed silent for a moment.
“Are you going to ask me what's wrong?” Kuroo asked, turning to look at Tsukki fully. The blonde shrugged and adjusted his glasses.
“Only if you're ready to talk, I had two captains come up to me today to tell me they think you’re not doing well. But both of them said two different reasons. So are you going to talk?” Both Bokuto and Daichi had said something to Tsukki, wow that made him feel cared for. Then Kuroo thought, what if he actually told Tsukki would he do anything? Would he laugh? Would he leave Kuroo all alone? He glanced at the blonde in question, the calming, non judging look in his eyes made Kuroo open his mouth and shit started spilling out.
“I hate myself, I can't eat anymore. I hate my body. I hate how fat and disgusting I am. The reason why Daichi found me throwing up is because my body could handle all the food I shoved into it. I know I'm losing weight but it's not enough,” It felt wonderful to tell someone, but Tsukishima was quiet. Kuroo pulled his legs up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them.
“I know you thin-,” “You’re wrong you know,” He looked up at Tsukki. “You’re not fat or disgusting or weak or pathetic or whatever you were going to say. You’re amazing, you care about others. You don’t feel good right now, but that's ok. I’m going to help you, I have a week to help you. It man not be fixed by the end of the week but if i can get you back on the right track of being healthy then that should be good,” Kuroo was so surprised by this reaction he didn’t realise Tsukki took his hand. As he looked up into the blonde's eyes, he thought to himself.
‘You know what? Maybe everything will be ok,”