There's One More Night

Laughter Before Despair

The whole ride from the hospital I stared out the window, with tears rolling down my face. By then I had come accustomed to having tears roll out of my eyes. It was starting to hurt a bit. Zayn really hadn't said anything to me that day. He did offer to pick up some lunch for me, but I shook my head in declination.

I couldn't eat, or even think about food. Once we pulled up the driveway, I realized I wasn't at our house. I wanted to be there though, I wanted to be were we always were together. But no, Zayn took me to Anne's. I really didn't want to see Anne now... And the kids were here with Liam. Five of those bright smiling faces asking me about their dad. How the fuck could I tell them. Zayn got out of the front seat and started walking in. I sat in the car. I wasn't going in. I couldn't face them yet. I just say there, waiting for Harry to tell me something encouraging.

But there was no sound. Once Zayn realized I was still sitting in the car he turned and came back to the car. He tapped on my window. I rolled it down, letting the cold air give me a shiver down my spine. Zayn said, "Please come in," I shook my head. Then I rolled up the window and started crying again. I could tell Zayn wanted to help me, but I wasn't as close to him as the other boys. So he ran inside. I just silently cried to myself as I tried to warm myself up. The air continued to get colder, and brisker. Winter. I could never ever look at this season the same again. Damn winter! It's really winter's fault that Harry... Look at me... I'm blaming seasons... I let more tears fall before I heard yet another tap on the window. I turned and saw Liam's shining face. I cracked the window and Liam said in his sweet voice, "You know there's a heater in the house?" I nodded.

I honestly was pissed off at the world at that moment. I couldn't stand anyone or anything at that g time. It was too soon. "Can I sit with you in there?" I didn't say anything, or even move. But Liam knew I was hurting so he walked around to the other side of the car and sat in the driver's seat. He shut the car door and then sighed and turned to me. I was staring outside my window at the ground. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I wanted to be alone. I just wanted Harry. Liam started to rub my back. "I'm so sorry," he started whispering. I don't know why he whispered, it was only us to and it was dead silent anyways. No one was eavesdropping. I didn't move again. Why did Liam even want to help me. Seriously?! This was mine and Harry's business not his. I just wanted him to leave me alone. Liam said, still quietly, "He loved you," he used past tense.

He's been gone for the shortest time and he is issuing past tense. How would he know? I mean for all we know Harry could have woken up right after we left and we just didn't know it yet. But of course, that wasn't the case. I felt another tear fall down my face. Liam was trying hard to get my attention, I could tell. "Lou," I turned my head slightly to indicate I was listening, "I know this is hard to wrap your head around, but I think what you need know is to go inside and rest. It's cold out here. We don't want you getting sick." I closed my eyes and started remembering what happened last time I was sick.

About a year earlier...

"Ohh my stomach..." I flipped to my other side, but the queasiness only worsened. "Stop whining and eat your soup," Harry said walking casually in the room with a bowl of soup in his hand. "But I'm not hungry," I replied weakly. "But you won't feel better unless you eat. Now sit up and swallow!" I groaned and sat up slowly. My stomach just ached and it made me cringe. Harry ran to the side of the bed and picked up the giant silver bowl we used when the kids had the stomach flu. Harry set the bowl on my right side and said, "Eat slowly, and if you need to, use it." He then kissed me on the cheek and left the room. The kiss made me feel less sick.

~*~

I opened my eyes again. I could still feel Harry's soft, pink lips pressed against my forehead. I whispered so quietly, "I love you Harry..." Liam's voice made my memory disappear. "Lou?" I shook my head and then unbuckled my seat belt. I opened the car door and then made my way up to the house. I opened the door and walked in.

I slipped off my shoes when suddenly Tanner came waddling up to me. I smirked a bit. He was the spitting image of a little Harry... With some extra chubbiness. But that didn't matter, he had his blue eye and dimples... I scooped him up from the ground and kissed his face a few times before walking into the kitchen. Once I got in there I saw Emma at the counter texting someone and eating and apple. She was a gorgeous 16 year old. She looked like me to be honest. She had my nose. She looked over at me and said, "Hey! How's dad?" My smirk faded. I replied as confident as possible, "Not sure yet..." Emma nodded her head and came and hugged me. I hugged her until I was sure I was about to burst into tears with her. I played with her gorgeous hair and said, "I love you Emma," she smiled and said, "Ditto." Then winked at me. I giggled a bit and left to go see the last moments of happiness before depression hit all of us.