Why me

Selfish Douche

I woke up the next day; stained mascara and ruined lipstick, great!

I crawled out of bed reaching out for my bag. Cigarettes were all that I needed at that filthy moment.
Actually cigarettes and Peter, yeah that was all.

I started lighting one up then I inhaled the substance, it reminded me of Peter, everything did but cigarettes were something special. I remembered that thing he does with the cigarette, he flicks it through his fingers then throw it back in between his lips. His lips were soft, it's not like I've kissed them before but, they looked soft. He had some weird ass lips that looked like some little opened scar. I used to always laugh when I see his face.

"Peter, you dumb son of a bitch! I know you can hear me and I also know that you're laughing at me right now but let me tell you something, you were the love of my life and you will always be. I remember you everytime I hear the1975 and that's my favorite band you asshole! And I listen to them every second of the day, so that means you're always on my mind. And that also means that I'm never gonna get rid of your stupid white ass! I love you bitch, and I just wish I could touch you right now, hug you actually you dirty minded fuck. You're my everything and you'll always be my everything, please bless me with someone with a fraction of your kindness, hotness and somebody who smokes, amen prick. Have fun running up there in heaven." I whispered looking at the sky. I felt him. I felt his warmth and I surely felt his presence. I knew he heard me and I knew he was laughing, but I really hope he obeys.

School was tomorrow and I wasn't ready for bullshit and all the "RIP"s and the "are you okay"s. It's all just bullshit because 1.He will rest in fucking peace. 2. And of fucking course I'm not okay. People throw the worst shit ever, I'm glad I don't interact with any now.

I decided I'll try to look good incase Peter "the douche" obeys and sends someone nice tomorrow.

"But I swear if you don't and I end up looking all girly and these ew stuff,I'll kill you." I whisper looking at the sky again, then I drop my face to look down at the floor and laugh. It's just a small one, but it expresses a lot. He's already dead, I can't even look at him, he's the only person who can look at me, hear me and maybe touch me. That selfish douche!