Once upon a time there was a whole gang of rabbits. They were bunnies, hares, whatever pleases your got damned sensitivities. Just know that it was a whole village of the cute lil' muthafuckas. So we're in the woods, with tall grass and carrots as far as the eye can see. The rabbits didn't have to worry about nothing! There weren't any predators, nor a lack of food. So you know those bunnies were just chillin'. So in the midst of all of this big-chillin' Papa Rabbit and Mercy Rabbit (No it's not a typo jackass- the mama's name is Mercy) starts getting all cozy. Then about a month or so later, out pops a baby. Looking at this little bundle of joy, there's only one thing for Papa Rabbit to say...
"What in the fuck! This ain't my baby!"
"Papa, this here is your youngin, his hair just ain't come in yet." If you ain't ever seen a rabbit sweat, I swear it's the funniest shit.
"Come-in Hell! This damn mutt is butt ass naked. As a matter of fact- Doc! Doc, come in here!"
"Papa, what you doing?"
"Shut up Mercy! Doc!"
"Yes, Mr. Rabbit?" The long-eared medical Hare walked into the room with an air of indifference and condescension for the dramatic Rabbit family.
"I'm ready to sign this lil fucker's birth certificate."
"Ah, yes. So you have a name then?"
"Hell yes. His name is Butt-Naked!"
The room quieted. The Nurses, the doctors, the strays all stopped what they were doing and looked at Papa Rabbit.
"Mr. Rabbit, this is unheard of. This simply isn't done."
"I'm afraid ima' have to insist."
"Stop it Papa!" Mercy cried out, wide-eyed.
"Shut the fuck up you hoppin' ass ho'."
"Call me a ho if you want to but there's one thing that I have that you don't!"
"Yeah? And what's that bitch?"
"A son."
The first shot surprised everyone, but the second one caused hysteria. Rabbits, Bunnies, Hares- all of them mugs were hopping out of the building shrieking wildly. Only two Rabbits were left behind- Papa and Mercy. Only one of them lay bleeding and still from the marriage of rage and violence. And just like that, the only paws that were capable to be quickened, were on the move. Outside of the woods, sitting in a Cadillac sat Papa (whose name is now more of an irony than anything), getting high on cigarettes. The police showed up, ready to apprehend him.
"Paws up, tail down!"
"Aight man, I'm down! I'm down"
"You're going away for a long time Bugs!"
"Really cop? You're a Rabbit too... you know what...whatever, man."
----
So get this, we have this tiny Rabbit, that's been orphaned. Or at least permanently relieved of his parents. And life is hard for him. All of the other Rabbits have soft fur as their source of pride. All Butt-Naked has is his bare ass. The other lil' asshole Rabbits tease him and beat him so much that he can't help but grow in rage. Working out sates the fury temporarily, but the recurrence of the bullying makes everyday a new struggle. It doesn't matter though because after hopping away from the gym, Butt-Naked gets shot by a hunter. Taking one look at the fur-less Rabbit, Elmer gags and walks away.
Butt-Naked rots in place, waiting on the tribe to give him a proper burial. The burial that would never come because a bout of Smallpox hit his village. Everyone died except his biological father, "Bare-Ass". The side character is going to have the last word apparently.
"Man, this whole saga is just fucking em....Bare-Ass....ing."
