Toying with Your Name

A/N: The following idea was born and written at two in the morning and was finished, corrected, reread, improved, reread, and finalized at around seven-thirty the same day. I tapped all of it on my iPhone. I hope that it is understandable and most importantly, amusing to read.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I humbly present to you a dream of a male fan-fiction author,

Toying with Your Name

It was a bright, sunny day in Konoha.

No, it won't do. Too cliché. I press the backspace key furiously. I stop and think about it for a while, letting inspiration flood my mind before restarting to type.

The blazing sun peeked through the slightly opaque clouds, letting the trees scattered in the training grounds cast their cool shadows on the heated field. His back against one of the trunks, panting a bit after his training routine, Sauke—

Not again, I groan. I move my cursor between the 'a' and the 'u', click, and push the 's' key. It already happened a whole bunch of times when I was writing a fan-fiction where the Uchiha made an appearance. I blame the fault on my (un-)nimble fingers, who jump the second 's' in the name and continue before me noticing. I had also made multiple other typos concerning 'Sasuke' in the past...

Suddenly, an awful idea which sounds awesome at the moment hits me in the head, knocking me over. Fine, it doesn't really knock me over, but it still gives me a jolt. I eagerly transcribe it onto my computer, continuing from where I left off.

--Sasuke Uchiha sat in the shade, taking in the peace of a summer morning in Konoha. For once, he contemplated the clouds, enjoying the pleasure Shikamaru felt when doing so. A small, serene smile curved his lips, without him being fully aware, of course; since Uchiha men did not smile: they only smirked. A rare sight that would've landed his whole mob of fangirls in the hospital because they all had a heart-attack at the same time (due to /love/ making their hearts beat too quickly, of course), if they ever chanced upon it. Fortunately (or unfortunately), they never did, since, one, they weren't there, and two, the blissful expression was quickly replaced with a frown when a poof! disturbed the silence around the once S-ranked ninja. He glanced to his right where a billow of smoke dissipated and revealed a male teenager of his age, coughing and fanning the smoke with his hands.

I have always wanted to try that, but not once did I ever imagine that I can choke on the gray gas. That's why Kakashi wears a mask, I think to myself. Once my view clears, I stare at a Uchiha with a kunai in his hand, ready to skewer me to death.

"Chill, man," I manage to say, "I've only come here to talk."

He narrows his eyes.

"Who are you?" he asks in a dangerously low tone.

"I'm..." I hesitate, wondering how the raven would react if I tell him my profession. It shouldn't be that much of a deal, should it? I mean, he won't chase me around, bearing his Sharingan-powered death glares, wanting badly to end my existence, right?

So I tell him.

And he begins chasing me around, bearing his Sharingan-powered death glares, wanting badly to end my existence.

And I run, as fast as I can, wishing I was the uncatchable gingerbread man. That is until a smoldering ball of fire sears pass my arm, narrowly missing it by mere millimeters (For those who wonder, I then wished to be a ninja, so that I could use all those kick-ass techniques).

I jerk my head around and I yell, "Time out, Sasuke! I only came to talk to you about something, peacefully!" I emphasize the last three –or is that four? My mind is in a haze, escaping the avenger filled with murderous intent—syllables, hoping he would halt his pursuit and calm the hell down. He does, ascertaining that I truly want to speak to him without any ulterior motives (though that doesn't stop him from sending another fireball towards me, just for the fun of scaring me, barely grazing my hair this time). I'll get revenge on him about this later...