I wish I were Heather. A TsukkiYama story

The party

Morning practice went by fast, but I'm glad we didn't work on receiving because my wrists would die. Well start hurting, and I didn't wanna bail on the team again.

This was the the one time, I wanted the day to last forever. I was dreading about having to going with Tsukki to meet Heather. I didn't wanna see them together. It would hurt more, more than it needed too. I don't want to be third wheeling on their date

"Yamaguchi, are you good. You've been spacing out a lot today."

"Y-yea Tsukki, I'm fine."

i'm fine

i'm fine

𝙞𝙢 𝙛𝙞𝙣𝙚

"Yamaguchi I know when your lying, just tell me." Tsukki already looks annoyed and it's only first period.

"No i'm really okay."

"whatever."

Let's hope this whole day gets over soon

——/ тιмє ѕкιρ

Classes went smoothly, like they always do. Nobody ever talks to me, but that's okay. Because I'd rather not talk to anyone.

At practice Hinata and Kageyama were being especially loud. So they had to run extra. It was normal for the most part, though I was sweating so much. I had to wear a long sleeve to practice which is torture. I didn't want anyone to question about the cuts on my wrists. That would just complicate things.

I'm still putting on my pants when Tsukishima says
"Come on Yamaguchi. Let's go Heathers waiting."

"okay Tsukki!"  I try to hurry up because I just want to get this over with. As fast as possible.

We rounded the corner to a park. Where I see Heather, sitting on a bench scrolling on her phone.

"Hey Heather. How are you?"

"Good, good." She grabs his hand, and wraps his arm 'round her shoulder.

"Aren't you here to do something." Tsukishima says while looking over at me.

"o-oh yea.... Yamaguchi how are you?"

"I'm fine." I want to start a conversation as it is kinda awkward. "I like your eyes, their brighter than a blue sky."

"Oh really, you think so. Thank you, and i'm sorry for what I said earlier. I was out of line." She says in almost sarcastic tone.

"It's okay."

"Oh great." She says happily, while squeezing Tsukki'a hand.

She has Tsukki mesmerized.

Well she is very pretty. Many times more than me. Just seeing them together, makes me sad.

I wish I were Heather, because she's so much better.

"If that's all I should get going. You two have fun." I say with a smile. Obviously a fake smile, hopefully they believe it.

"Ok Yamaguchi." Tsukki says with a wave.

I walk away, but I don't leave. I want to watch, just for a moment.

I want to remind myself that Tsukki has a girlfriend and that I can't like him anymore. I watch him as she tells hims something, then he takes off his sweatshirt for her to wear. The one he had let me borrow. The one with a star on the front.

I shouldn't have stayed and watched, this wasn't my business. And it was hurting me more than it was than stopping me.  I feel warm tears run down my cheeks, before I turning around and run home.

I practically break down the door, before slamming it shut. I lean against the door gripping my hair, and start to sob. Why am I so ugly. Why do I have these stupid freckles their stupid and ugly Why couldn't I have been born prettier, then Tsukki would like me.

I run up to my bathroom, and stare at my ugly freckles in the mirror. I open the cabinet door, and grab my blade. "This world would be better without me, it doesn't need me. Nobody wants me. Not even Tsukki, the person I adore and like the most. He doesn't need me."
I press it hardly against my scarred wrists.
Almost screaming in pain. I just want it to be over. Everything, I want everything to end. I want to keep going but I hear my phone buzz.

*bzz
I don't wanna look at it. It's my phone, I pick it up anyway just in case it's suga or something.

ᶠʳᵒᵐ ᵀˢᵘᵏⁱˢʰⁱᵐᵃ
Can I call you?

ᵀᵒ ᵀˢᵘᵏⁱˢʰᵏᵐᵃ
Sure. Give me one minuet.

ᶠʳᵒᵐ ᵀˢᵘᵏⁱˢʰⁱᵐᵃ
Okay

shoot. Okay, I got to patch this up. I grab the bandages and put a couple on before texting Tsukki, that he can call me.

"I just had my first kiss."

I blink a few times realizing what he just said.

"u-um so~ how was it." I try to sound happy and enthusiastic, like i'm trying to sound happy for him.

"It's actually not that much fun. I thought it would be cool, but it was lame."

"Oh ok. I got to go, i'll call you back later."

"o-" *beep

I start sobbing harder than before. Much harder. He shouldn't have told me. I didn't want to know, why would he boast about his amazing life, while mine sucked.

I wish today was over already. I slam the door to my room, and run over to my bed. I sit down, and grip the sheets, wondering if I should call Hinata. He knew about my crush on Tsukishima and would help when I wanted to talk to someone.

*bzz
ⁱⁿᶜᵒᵐⁱⁿᵍ ᶜᵃˡˡ  ᶠʳᵒᵐ ᵀˢᵘᵏⁱˢʰⁱᵐᵃ

What does he want now, talk more about how amazing he date went. I sniffle, and swallow so I don't sound like i've been crying.

"Hey, Tsukishima what's up?"

"Well I was going to tell you, Heather invited me to a party, this saturday before you hung up. But I don't want to go alone, so could you come. Just in case I want to leave."

"Saturday. I have plans." I obviously don't, I just don't want to go with the both of them.

"Yamaguchi I know you don't, please just come this once."

"Fine, whatever."

"Great thanks, i'll pick you up."

"ok."

"Goo-" *beep

I didn't want to talk to him, and now i'm dragged into a party with them. I want to get some sleep, but I know i'm not going to for a while. So before I head down stairs, I wash my face with cold water. My eyes sting, and I would skip school tomorrow but I already have this week, and i'm not about to get yelled at by Suga or Dachi.

—-/

I grab my blanket and head down stairs before turning on a movie. About Half way through, I fall asleep. Hoping that Friday will be fine.

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