02.11.16

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Her dress is nice, and she looks amazing. “Happy birthday.” I hope she likes my gift. She is happy and her arms are naked, kind of. “Thank you so much.” Her lips against my chin are comforting me. I’m happy. She’s my drug. I love her so much. Who is that? Dark hair, blue eyes. She’s laughing and they’re dancing together. I don’t know him. What happened to Adam? “Who is that?” I ask her friend. Alexander. Fucking asshole. “Hey, let’s talk.” Her room is huge, but messy. I like it. It smells like perfume and cigarettes. I hate cigarettes. “Do you smoke?” It’s guilt in her eyes. Baby, no. “Yes, sometimes.” Why is she doing this? “Why? It’s disgusting. Please stop.” She’s sad. “I will, I’m sorry.” Her lips are soft and warm. I love this. The feeling is back, but I’m being choked. I can’t breathe, but I’m fine. “What happened to Adam?” Please say he’s gone. “He left me.” What an asshole. “How could he do that?” She doesn’t know. She’s confused and sad. “Who’s Alexander?” She’s angry now. You shouldn’t have said anything about him. But I had to. No, you’re just stupid. I’m not. “A friend.” You’re lying. “Do you like him?” She does. I can see it in her eyes. “Yes.” My heart. It shatters and I don’t fucking now what to do. “What. Why?” You’re so stupid. Just leave. I can’t leave. I need answers. “Tell me.” She’s quiet. I cry. “Don’t cry, please.” She’s begging, but I know it’s fake. “I love you, but…” don’t say anything. You’re lying. You’re a liar. I don’t understand. I need air. My heart is broken and I can’t breathe. “Don’t leave me.” She isn’t looking at me. “I have to, I’m sorry.” I don’t want to listen. I can’t speak, my throat is sore and my eyes are watery. I’m blind. “But, I love you.” She’s gone.

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