Why r u dreaming?

CHAPTER 12

Tutor pov

My mum is fine, it was just a low pressure issue combined with the stressful situation, luckily nothing too serious.

Now I need to talk to Fight, last night at the rooftop things didn't go as planned, I had to run away to my mother and once again he drove me there without even asking the reason. I think he deserves an explanation and we need to talk about us, if there could possibly be an us.

Arrived at university I go straight to the basketball field, he's always there at this hour when he doesn't have lessons, I'll wait for him to finish and talk with him, or tell him we need to talk, I'm not sure yet. I don't think the faculty is the right place to have that conversation.

When I see him playing I can't help myself but to look at his arms, I was always envious of his muscular body, I'm not in a bad shape but it can't be comparable with his. Now that the sweat is dripping from his forehead to his neck and his biceps shines under the warm sunlight I'm feeling hot, and not because of the sun.  I'm recalling all the images from the nights we spent at the beach in my dream, how he held me in his arms, how I held him. All the time we were hugging each other feeling lighthearted, happy. 

I keep admiring him, far enough so he won't see me but close enough for me to watch him. When he stops playing I decide to walk closer to talk to him but my steps were cut off by a pretty girl I've never seen before walking towards him while calling his name. I can't hear what they talk about and I just see the girl's big smile on her face while she hands him a bottle of water and it's enough for me to give up my plan and go away. I don't want to keep watching him flirting with someone else, this is a possibility I haven't considered, what if he's dating someone already, he's a popular guy after all.

"Tor!" I hear someone calling me, I know who, but I'm too busy avoiding him right now so I speed up my pace.

"Tor, wait!"  he calls me again. Hand circling my wrist forces me to stop

"What?" I yell a little too loud for the place we're at, still not turning around, I don't want to see face him. 

I'm angry, at him a little and at me definitely. I'm not usually someone so carefree, I consider every option before doing something and for once that I didn't I now feel dumb. 

I'm sad because I might lose him, even if in this world he was never mine. And I'm frustrated for trying to talk to him all this time but  still running away once again.

"I just wanted to ask you how are you? We agreed last week you'd tutor me this afternoon but if you have problems or don't feel good we can do another day" he answers ignoring the angry tone I used before 

"It's fine, I don't have any problem. See you later at my place" I just reply finally  walking away 

It's lunchtime and the image of Fight with that girl has been haunting me the whole morning, rationally I know they might just be friends or she's only hitting on him while he's not interested but it hurts inside, it hurts seeing him so far from me...but who's fault is that after all? I'm the one who keeps pushing him away, escaping and not being clear about my intentions. I'm now the villain in my own story by being an indecisive coward. 

"Tor are you okay?"  Saifah's voice wakes me up from my thoughts

"Is there any problem, you look so lost into thoughts?" Day adds 

"It's P'Fight." I sigh. Day and Sai look at each other and both laugh shaking their heads

"You always argue, but I thought things were going better since you started tutoring him"  

"I always wondered why is he like that to you?"  Saifah asks

" What do you mean?"  I ask back 

"Well, he's a good guy and both me and Day, just like everyone else, never had any problems with him. He treats you differently than anybody, he has done it from beginning, so I was curious about the reason. What happened between you two?"  Saifah explains himself

In my dream he said he liked me from first sight but didn't really understand his feelings and got scared of them. Is it like this in real life too?

"Ooh I totally forgot to tell you something" Saifah suddenly exclaims  

"I'm dating Zon"  he announces with the biggest smile

Day spits the bubble tea he was drinking  for the surprise, while I'm puzzled.

Zon didn't told me anything, it's weird, I didn't know Sai liked Zon already but I'm glad things are going this way, Zon must be so happy and I can see Sai is too.

After me and Day congratulated Saifah and teased him a little bit, we left him waiting for Zon. I'll also need to talk to him too. But now I have to get home.

"Tutor, are you sure it's only Fighter's usual teasing that got you like this. Whatever you need to talk about me and Sai are here for you, you should know that" Day starts talking while we're walking, I'm sorry for making my friends worried, I'm so lucky to have such good friends that care about me.

"Well I have some problems with my family too but don't worry. Actually can I ask you something? You liked Hwahwa since first year didn't you?"  

He blushes a little and nods so I continue "How did you win her heart? "

"What?" he's taken aback but he still answers  "Why are you asking? There's someone you like?...Well I guess just staying beside her, helping her and showing her I was the one right for her since I like her as no one ever did"

When I get home outside my building there's Fighter waiting for me, I want to go there and pretend everything is fine but my mind is a mess. It's been a month since I woke up and there's not a day I miss him, there's not a night I sleep peacefully without recalling our memories; or to be specific there was a night I didn't: when I slept with him. The memories are haunting me everywhere I go, I can't help it no matter how much I deny it: I love him.

He helped me in this life as he'd do in my dream, I was too focused on staying far from him and noticing only his teasing to see the truth. He likes me as he liked me in the dream. He's the same, we're the same so why are we far apart? Why when being together made us feel in peace; if we were each other strength, we were our happiness, everything we needed. I feel heartbroken and I'm not fighting enough, I feel weak beside him now. I just need him to love me, is it too much to ask? Shouldn't I at least try? 

"Tor...are you crying?"   he got closer to me and lost into thoughts once again I haven't even seen  noticed him approaching me.

I wipe the tears that were forming under my eyes without me realizing

"No..I'm not. But I'm tired" I look at him and I only can say that I'm really tired " I keep feeling depressed, I don't like that you got me like this, you and that stupid dream. I can't keep going like this"

He's looking intensely at me trying to process my words, he's really paying attention to my delirium. Will I regret this?

 I breathe heavily closing my eyes and when I focus on his eyes again I say the one thing, the one question I wanted to ask all this time, that's making me crazy and miserable.

"Why can't you love me back?"