My Everything

As I cut into my omelet, I looked up to find Selin's plate untouched while she remained lost deep in her thoughts.

"Aren't you hungry?"

She let out a sigh and looked at me with her head resting on the palm of her hand. "I don't think I can eat anything."

I wasn't surprised. I knew she wanted to talk about what was coming, but I was determined to spend some quality time with her before getting into what was waiting for us at the office... before getting into what I had decided about what was going to happen. My mind quickly went to Selin's love for toast. So I picked up a slice and spread some butter on it. While adding jam on top of the butter I threw her a glance, only to find her looking at me amused.

I held out the toast for her and smiled. "Here, take this."

You could tell that she was happy when she took it. So I felt a little relieved. Maybe it was really possible to avoid the dreaded discussion.

"Demir."

"Hmm." I replied, still hoping that she would talk of something else.

"Did you come to a decision? About Bora and Merve?" Selin seemed so anxious.

"These are matters about work Selin, lets not talk about this at home."

"But whatever you decide won't just be about work, you know that right?" And with that she got me.

"I know" I nodded. I gave her an assuring smile, trying to let her know that I was aware of what my decision meant. Our relationship, if it was ever meant to go somewhere, depended on what I decided. I knew that my rules stood in the way of what we can have together. Of course Bora and Merve were going to be affected, but I also had to think about what I could be missing - the possibility of us - if I kept my work rules in place. I had already decided, of course - but I kept wanting to delay the announcement. This whole situation had me shaken. I was never the one to question rules. Especially the ones I've put into place. They were well calculated, and there for a reason. But the loss that would follow if I kept them in place scared me too. But I decided to remain calm, and not think about this till it was time to make the announcement.

Selin smiled back at me. So I went back to eating my breakfast. But of course, Selin couldn't wait as patiently as I could. In less than a few seconds she went- "How can you be so calm?"

I laid down my knife and fork on my plate and looked into her eyes. "I'm just trying to enjoy this moment with you."

She smiled at me. "All we have are these moments Demir. Very beautiful moments." A bittersweet feeling crept into her eyes, and I could tell that she was worried. She was worried about her close friends who have gone through so much because of my rules, and their jobs and relationship were on the line. But I could tell that she was worried about what might happen to us more. As we looked at each other, we recognised the bond that we had, and how the chance of being together relied on what I decided at work. There was no denying that no matter what situation we were put in, we were always pulled towards each other. From the second I laid my eyes on her, it was as if this string bound me to her and vice versa. No matter how much I tried to push her away, or how much she tried to stay away from me, our minds always found their ways back to each other. I was always thinking of her, and if my intuitions weren't lying, I could tell she always thought of me. If I said that the no-relationship-at-work rule was to be as is, would that tear what we had between us apart?

The ringing of my phone shook me back to reality. It was Yıldırım Bey. "Sorry, let me get this." I picked up the phone as Selin settled her head back on her palm to watch me.

Yıldırım Bey was telling me about the meeting agenda which I had sent for this morning. I was completely confused because I had set up no such meeting, let alone sent him any agenda. But I politely agreed, only to call Azmiye right after. Apparently she had taken it upon herself to set up a meeting between us. Of course she did. I sighed and asked her sternly to not make such arrangements in the future without consulting with me.