A Soldiers Story: Ghosts of the battlefield

Chapter 19: ... or the end of the beginning?

Geists PoV / 9PM / Hereford / Rainbow Headquarters / Medbay

The raid on the villa was now 9 hours ago. Doc and I immediately evacuated after getting Alibi out of there, while the others cleared the rest of the building. I helped Doc as best I could but I was no medic so after we reached Hereford he told me that it'd be fine and that I should take a break now that the rest of the medical staff were there to help him.

That was easier said than done. I just sat down in the breakroom, sat down on the couch and turned the tv on.

Word of our arrival spread quickly so very soon other operators joined me. While Jäger tried to cheer me up, Bandit made his usual flat jokes and puns, which were rather effective.

Kapkan offered me a drink, which I gladly accepted, despite it barely being afternoon.

Maestro told some stories from his time in the GIS, reminding me a lot of Blitz when he told our stories.

Mira, who was with us in Dostojevski, also came and turned some music on and even asked me to dance wit her. And also making more of the ops join in who had shown up by then. Even though I wasn't a very good dancer she showed me some easy moves.

All of these were very welcome distractions.

Without them I'd probably made myself go mad just by worrying.

But even with the distractions the worries were still in the back of my mind, always. I tried turning them down, forcing optimism on myself as to not worry the others or kill the mood that we had created by then.

But now it was about 9PM and I was sitting in the medbay, next to her bed, elbows resting on the edge of it, hands folded in front of my face, not able to help but stare at Alibi, who was still unconscious, making accusations to myself.

Doc: „Richard... It's getting late, you should go to your dorm..." he said as he approached behind me. „Get some sleep. I told you she'll be fine."

Geist: „I'll stay a few more minutes, then I'll head to my room." I said trying to suppress the emotions in my voice, managing to get a monotone voice.

He knew fully well I wasn't going to stay just a few more minutes. He sighed. „... Should there be anything you know where to find me."

As he turned around I hear the door open down the hallway. Footsteps were coming in our direction when Doc started to walk towards them. Neither saying a word about both stopping in the middle.

After a short while I hear two pairs of footsteps leave the room again, turning off the lights before they went. We were alone again.

Aria, me and my thoughts.

I didn't know exactly at the time why but I was still torn between grief and anger in my thoughts. Both fighting for control. If I hadn't been in the base, next to Alibi, rather out in the woods, alone, I would have screamed.

Out of Anger. Out of grief. Out of frustration.

For some reason I was still in a fight or flight mode and my brain wanted to do nothing else but fight. I just wanted to punch something, someone, anything. But I wasn't going to leave her side.

My muscles were tense, I was shaking, trying to- struggling to contain everything.

Why was it like this. I still didn't- DON'T know why I AM like this. I hate it. I HATE IT.

The hatred and frustration for these feelings, this situation, only fueling it. Making it worse. Minute by minute. Second by second.

Angel's PoV / 9:15 PM / York / Angel's apartment.