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heartbreak

Taehyung's P.O.V

There aren't any chairs free so I'm left standing behind a friend who's sitting down. I let my hands rest on his shoulders and glance around the room. Everyone's talking and drinking and sometimes a random person leaves the room to light a cigarette. I try to act casual but it's hard to do so when my crush is standing right beside me, talking to one of his friends.

I'm bored and I wonder when I can leave. It's not even 10 pm yet and I already want to leave this party. It's not that I'm tired or anything, but there's this feeling that resides in the pit of my stomach and tells me something is going to go wrong tonight. Blink 182 sounds from the speakers that stand in the corner of the room and I sing along a bit, feeling myself relax at the familiar words and rhythm.

"What happened to your hand?"

My body tenses as I hear his voice, Jungkook's voice, asking a question directed at me.

"I burnt myself on accident", I explain, my eyes glued to the white bandage around the palm of my hand.

"How come?"

"I got some hot candle grease on my hand and now I have a second degree burn", I explain, feeling incredible nervous just from speaking to him, "It sounds ridiculous to be honest but it hurts like hell".

He chuckles, "You probably have had that wound for a while and I never noticed?"

"Yeah sort of, everyone else had already noticed a week ago", I chuckle along with him.

"I'm honestly stupid for not seeing", he says with a smile.

Right at that moment I gather my courage and want to ask him a question that's been on my mind for a while. But at the moment the words want to leave my lips, someone touches his shoulder to get his attention. He turns around and I hear Jimin's and Jin's voice asking him the same question I had wanted to ask him.

"How are you and Lisa?"

I didn't hear his answer and I didn't know whether that was a good or a bad thing. I then turned around and smiled bitterly at my best friend and Jin who were talking to Jungkook about Lisa.

I've liked Jungkook for eight years now. It's pathetic but I can't help but fall harder for him every time I see him. In the beginning I didn't really know him and fell for his looks. Each year I got to know him better and then we became friends. Obviously, my feeling started to grow from a childhood crush to a real crush.

This week I had told my friends I would confess to him. This crush had gone on for too long with me being too scared to get hurt. I wanted to get rid of this insecure feeling and wanted Jungkook to at least know what I felt for him. I didn't care if he would reject me. I just wanted him to know so I could get rejected and go on with my life, knowing he didn't like me. Because right now I had no idea what he thought of me and if I had a chance or not. That ignorance had to stop now.

I had come to this party, feeling incredibly confident, only to let it crumble into nothingness when I realized Lisa would be here too. Lisa, a girl that was also in love with him. Lisa, a girl who had shared drunken kisses with him numerous times. Lisa, a girl that was far more confident than me.

"When you're together and meet her family, you better wear something more fancier than this", Jin joked.

Oh yeah, Lisa was also the daughter of this town's mayor.

"And buy a new coat", Jimin added.

Or he shouldn't change at all, I thought bitterly.

Suddenly Lisa appeared and started to talk with Jungkook. I gulped and averted my gaze back on the rest of the room.

I couldn't believe Jimin was saying this. I couldn't believe he was talking so casually about their relationship as if he didn't know about my crush on Jungkook. He has known for years. He was the one I told everything to.

Feeling hurt because of seeing my crush get snatched away, and having that mixed with my best friend shipping those two together, made me feel sick in the stomach. I walked over to the other side of the room and leant against the window sill. Hoseok skipped over to me and halted beside me.

"Hey Tae", he smiled.

"Hi", I replied, the somberness evident in my voice. He knew about Jungkook so he probably figured why I was acting like this.

"Let him go", he said, "You have to move on".

I gulped.

"You know it's not that easy", I stated, "You wouldn't have liked me saying that before you were together with Yoongi".

Only two weeks ago had they began a relationship and I understood he was very happy because of that, but that didn't mean he could suddenly stop supporting me. We had always supported each other and talked about our crushes, sometimes trying to make them jealous by acting close. But now he was together with his crush Yoongi, and I felt left behind. How could he just tell me to move on? As if it was that easy!

"What about Minho?", he asked, "Isn't there something going on between you two?"

I scoffed, "No. We just joke around but we don't actually like each other".

"So there has been nothing between you guys?"

I thought for a second, "I'll try to make you understand. Just imagine you liked Yoongi and weren't together with him. He doesn't really give signals back and suddenly this other handsome guy comes along and gives you a lot of attention. Of course you like that attention, but that doesn't mean you suddenly stop loving Yoongi does it?"

He shook his head.

"That's how it is for me", I said.

"You explained that very well", he said and I chuckled. After that we joked around for some time until some guys suddenly decided to leave the party. Jungkook was one of them.

Minho bumped into me and I knew he wanted my attention but I really wasn't in the mood to talk to him. I was far too sad to joke around and tease him and I would only ruin his mood as well.

I noticed Lisa and Jungkook going outside and walking further away from the party. Lisa's friends were fangirling, implying something was going to happen between the two of them.

I stood with my other friends who didn't seem to notice what was going on. I knew Junkook was leaving so why would he want to talk with Lisa right now? What was going on outside?

Those minutes felt like hell and none of my friends seemed to notice. I send Jimin desperate glances but he never reacted. This hurt me even more. Everyone knew about my feelings for Jungkook but still no one acknowledged the fact that I was hurting inside.

After dreading long minutes Lisa came back inside and stood with her friends who started firing questions at her.

"What happened?"

"What took you so long?"

She scoffed and then smirked, "What do you think we were doing?"

I felt my heart break in two. Hearing those words with the joyful screams of her friends overwhelmed me and I needed to get out of that room. I scurried away and found Jackson and Namjoon sitting in the corner of a room, talking to each other. Tears threatened to pour out and I desperately needed to find comfort. I knew Namjoon would understand me since he's been struggling a lot with love too.

"Taehyung? What's wrong?"

And by finally hearing words that sounded worried for me, I broke down, not caring other people, could notice.

I didn't know this could hurt so much.

Based on real life experiences.