The Ultimate Carrot Fanfiction

“morning ew school ew” i groan as i stretch and wake up. i look around my room which has tons of photos of me and my friends from home like karla and bayleigh and jenny. i moved from california a week ago to london and i so far hate it here. its cold and rainy and gross. i mean so many celebs live here but how coz hollywood is so so so much nicer like seriously. 

i swing my thin perfectly tanned legs onto the floor and walk to my massive own bathroom to shower. i really hate my body and just me in general. im average height and thin with a perfect tan and a really really pretty face with long blonde hair. i had tons of guys after me at home and they all told me im beautiful but i know they just want to get in my pants. 

showering and washing in my favourite three set strawberry body wash shampoo and conditioner i climb out and dry myself and blowdry my hair. its naturally perfectly straight so i curl it into ringlets to make it look more natural. then because im going for a natural look i put on foundation and blush and do the smoky eye look and put on some bright red listick. 

there.

perfectly natural.

i walk into my walk in closet and pick out a pair of really short and tight high waisted red shorts and a tight white crop top because i dont want to look like a slut. i put those on along with some four inch black stilettos before grabbing my handbag and phone and walking downstairs. 

i skip breakfast because im fat and drive my car to school.

oh im sorry i havent introduced myself how rude of me. im caytlin cayla corry and im fifteen years old. i have perfect blue eyes and perfect blonde hair and a perfect body but i really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really hate myself because im just so ugly. 

anyways i drive my car to school on my own even tho im only fifteen years old and havent even said hello to my boyfriend. oh yeah did i mention both my parents died in a car accident and my brother went into a coma but i ditched him coz i hated his guts anyways and moved here to london with my boyfriend of two weeks. anyways yeah so i drive to school but am stopped on the way by a massive crowd of girls screaming and whatevs. i stop and get out to have a look and thats when i hear the music of the song i hate starting to play. in fact its the music of the song i hate by the band i hate. in fact its even the band i hate doing a performance. theyre names one dimension or something stupid like that. 

anyways i get out and look at the stage and the crowd of girls parts for me straight away. on stage are the five guys but i dont know their names or anything coz i hate them. one of the with red pants and a stripy blue and white top and white toms looks at me even though im like two hundred meters away. i think hes names lewis or something like that. then the guy with curly brown chocolate locks and green orbs punches the lewis guy in the face and turns to me and blows me a kiss. then the one with really dark hair and olive skin and lots of tattoos glares at the guy i think hes names harold or something and then the guy with tattoos runs through the crowd towards me but is stopped by the innocent looking guy with brown hair and puppy eyes. hes kind of cute but not my type too innocent. anyways the puppy guy slaps the tattoo boy across the face and then puppy guy is really close and i think he might kiss me but then my brother who... wait hes in the band too wait what. then everyone is chanting “niall niall niall niall” to my brother. thats funny i thought his name was neil actually i also think he was in a coma. anyway then niall or neil or whatever his name is hugs me and puppy guy i think i hear people call him leeyum gets angry coz he doesnt know me and niall or neil are siblings so he punches niall and kisses me full on the lips and we start making out but then lewis wakes up and charges at leeyum and then knocks him out and kisses me and starts to take off my croptop but zain stops him and hands me a mirror to hold over my face and then starts to take off my shorts to have sex with me but harold stops him and rescues me and picks me up bridal style and takes me to starbucks to get a coffee.

when i have my coffee im walking out with harold and i run into a guy and spill my latte on him and he starts swearing and then i realise hes my abusive ex even though hes from california and then harold knocks him to the ground but then he like dies or something i dont know and just collapses but magically lewis appears out of nowhere and we steal harolds black rangerover and we go to the supermarket and lewis is shouting “superman” and im getting angry so i shout “no” and then hes like “no jimmy protested” and i dont know what he meant but he fills the trolley with carrots and then we buy them and start to go home.

on the way home we get pulled over by the police coz lewis was going to slow but then the policeman saw me and then got angry for some reason then i realised it was my exes dad even though he was a lawyer in california so lewis and i drove off into the sunset and lived happily ever after.

i never ended up going to school that day

or telling my bf it was over

or finding my brother again

or finding harold my first true love

in fact i didnt do anything because louis and i drove off into the sunset which meant following the sun then drove into the ocean and died

the end