The Question

Part One

A/N: Okay. This isn't very good. Meh.

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Part One

He asked to speak to me in private. I feigned simple suspicion of his intentions, but I could guess. Not now, not now! I silently begged not him but any force which was listening. My charade worked for a little while, and I was slightly relieved when the group I was hanging out with moved spot. But I had no true reason to not go with him, my best guy friend, when my best girl friend said she’d come too.

We chatted demurely and wandered for a bit and I kept up my charade, and claimed they were just joking around and we were going to walk all around the high school for the rest of lunch in the boiling sun. But we all agreed we were getting too hot and found a patch of shade to rest in. As we were about to sit down, my best girl friend shouted some exceptionally thin lie about not seeing a teacher and sprinted off. I sped walked after her, guessing what was coming.

He caught up to me. For the life of me, I can’t recall the actual conversation. All I know was that he confessed he’d liked me for a while now as more than a friend and informed me that I didn’t have to return the feeling and that he didn’t want to ruin our friendship. I don’t recall what I exactly said either. I do, shamefully, recall a large number of swear words exiting my mouth.

Fortunately or unfortunately, I’m not certain which, a group of our friends came over to us and we chatted as though nothing had just happened. We joked around and I was a complete and utter bitch, forcing him to share with the group a rather unflattering picture.

I eventually drifted from that group, spotted my best girl friend and sprinted up a flight of stairs and smacked her on the back of the head.

I regretted my action when she cried out in pain, reflex tears appearing in her eyes and a slapping sound resonated in the area. She admitted to knowing and helping set it up and was apologetic. I felt guilty for hitting her so hard; it hadn’t been my intention to hit her THAT hard.

I, guiltily, avoided him for the rest of lunch and was somewhat relieved we didn’t have classes together for the rest of the day. I packed my bag and left school at the end of the day at record speed.

I had many discussions with many different friends, but it didn’t help. My mind was simply confused or running blank at a million miles a minute as it was when we had the discussion.

Did I see him in that way?

Could I see him in that way?

Would it work?

I questioned everything and was my usual pessimistic self. Although, I did try very hard to think logically and with a level head.

What to do...