The Light at the End

1: All the Bad Things

It all starts with a phone- no, screw that- it all started about seven months ago, sophomore year, when I managed to single handedly fuck my entire life into the shittiest public restroom toilet in the world just by having sex. Every time something goes bad now I find myself thinking about it- every stupid thing I did to cause my life to be right smack where it is now.

"So, Riley, I think it's past time for you and Harold to exchange numbers." Mom serves a chicken breast, rice, and green peas onto a plate and passes it to me as I glare at her, at Harold, hoping she'll catch on that I would rather die than give my number to that bastard but her face is as stern as ever. She barely glances at me but I can tell from the flicker in her eyes that this is not a suggestion but an order. That's the only time she talks to me anymore- to give orders or insist I must be mistaken when I say Harold walked in on me in the shower and just stood there watching, that it was my fault when I come to tell her that Harold clocked me again for knocking over a water cup or not getting my toast out of the toaster fast enough.

As if I didn't already know- everything is my fault.

"You are never, never going  to see Vincent again! Do you hear me?"

"Mom, you don't understand- everything Vince said in there with his Dad- he's just scared and embarrassed we got caught. But we're dating, Mom. Mom, please you've gotta listen, we've been together for months now, we didn't think anyone would understand. He's my best friend. I..." I stammer, eventually deciding to just spit it out. "I love him."

"Oh no. No, no, no absolutely not, I'm not even listening to your shit right now." Mom shakes her head, holding the back of her hand to her mouth like she isn't sure whether to strike her work desk again or to strike me. "That video I just had to watch, that my fucking boss showed me of you and his son on the couch, that was nasty Riley. That was not love, that was absolutely disgusting. Love isn't seducing your best friend with alcohol so you could sodomize him on his own living room couch and blackmail him with the video."

"What," my voice utterly breaks, the word almost coming  out a squeak, both the wind and words knocked out of me. There's no way Vincent would ever say that. Despite how the video looks we were just fooling around- he had me pour the alcohol in his mouth. And I just so happened to be on top that time; I didn't even know the camera was there. But for him to say I seduced him, that I fucking sodomized him to blackmail him? "No, no that's all a lie. I'd never..."

"Don't 'I would never' me." Mom cuts me off."You've had no problem stealing from my purse in the past, sneaking out, doing drugs. Jeezus, Riley you're an absolute nightmare. Just the fact that you thought you could get away with this is sickening."

"I  never... Mom you have to believe me, this is all bullshit." I've never sounded so desperate in my life, shit. But she has to be on my side, she has to. "There's no way I could've even known there was a camera behind me. Vincent didn't even know about it!"

"Then what's with you checking over your shoulder constantly? Go on and lie to me again."

"I thought I heard someone pulling up, my back was facing the front door. The absolute last thing I needed was to get caught, like, fuck..." I pull at my hair, absolute panic pricking like needles through my skin. "Vincent told you I knew there was a camera? You got that from Vince?"

Mom finally slams her fist on her desk, the one picture she has of me, as a baby, toppling on its face. Pure murderous fire burns in her eyes as she glares at me, her nose flaring with absolute fury. "I heard it from my boss, you little idiot!" She roars, spit landing on my cheek but I don't dare move to wipe it off. "Do you really think he didn't talk to his own son before calling us in there. Vincent told him what happened. He didn't need to tell me too."