The Salmon and Ella; A Murder of Passion

I'm just a Salmon

He sat at the stand and told his story"Ella was being a bitch one day; like every other day, but this time felt different""and why is that?" the lawyer asked "I don't know man, I just felt like killing her, you can't hold it against me, I'm a salmon"

that's the story he told the judge. 

it's not true but who would the court believe, the human or the salmon.

the odds were stacked against him.

did it matter that he had a loving husband to get back to? that they didn't even have proof that he did it? course not, what is this, a fair justice system???? 

I mean sure, he technically DID murder her....  welp at least he wont die in prison, its only two years and he got a chance for parole after 6 months. 

it's all good. 

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Two weeks earlier

Ella, dumb bitch Ella.

If she knew what would have happened when she grabbed that knife..... well she still would have done the same, but she was never known for higher brain function so what else can one expect? 

lets set the scene, shall we?

we're at Salmon the Salmons house with his husband, professor Salmon setting the table while Salmon and Ella try to get along. 

its lovely quaint house with pictures of family above the fireplace in the living room. it was filled halfway up with water but they were salmons. they needed water. 

well, that's not exactly true, Slamon tried to be civil but the tic toc of the clock combined with every snide remark on Ella made things 'a bit' hard on Salmon. 

he also can't stand Ella soo one can imagine the amount of self-regulation it took to not ram his head into a wall every time a word left that woman's mouth. She did seem twitchy tho, kept looking over at the table where Professor Salmon was cutting a piece of cake with a rather sharp knife.  (both of which she brought...)

through some great gift from God, he survived and they sat at the table. The next few moments were hazy. 

All he knew was that he saw her reach of the knife and her eyes widening with a blood thirsting rage and that she raised it, pointing it at the professor. 

the next thing he knew he was up and throwing his body against Ella and that god awful voice started screaming. 

we're on the ground when she grabs my hand puts it around the knife and stabs herself with it and then screams bloody murder about how I tried to kill her. The police were called and Ella once again started screaming at how "he tried to murder me!" 

All the while my husband was in shock and couldn't process anything.

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a week later he meets with his lawyer who told him to just go along with it and that nothing is gonna happen at the prison as long as he doesn't cause trouble. that the odds are stacked against him. 

so he did. 

and he went HARD

she said he tried to kill her, he went one farther and said that he'd EAT her, raw if he could. 

he acted like it was nothing and played aloof. 

"I'm a Salmon" was all he said when asked why he did what he did.

On the plus side, no one at prison wanted to mess with the dude who admitted to killing and wanting to eat a person for no reason.

so it was all good, people didn't bully him, were even nice to him actually and he had all the time in the world to do absolutely nothing. It was kinda great if you didn't count all the verbal abuse from the guards and the times they put him in isolation for no good reason. 

He only ended up staying for only two months tho because his husband came through and reopened the case. The police got actual evidence that Ella was planning premeditated murder but since the court and police didn't want the news of their incompetency, they just quietly let him out and put Ella in a 'correctional facility for 8 months. 

2 years for a crime of passion and 8 months for premeditated murder. seems legit. 

but oh well, "I'm just a salmon".

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before he got out tho, professor Salmon went on to adopt all 12 of Ella's kids so that was a surprise to him. 

those parent-teacher conferences sure had been great

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later all that people remembered was that he said that he'd eat Ella raw if he had too and so that is the tale behind the word Salmonella. 

The end

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this crackhead story was born out of the equally crackhead conversation me and my friend had at 1 in the morning. 

is this how the justice system works, well I hope not. but please remember that it was 1 in the morning when I started this and it is now currently 2:12. Have mercy

this is also unedited.

I hope you enjoyed this short story.