Before I knew it, the calendar read Saturday and prom had arrived. For once this spring, the Minnesota sky looked something other than stormy and gray- the sun was shining and the reported temperature was in the mid 60s.
The majority of the day was spent getting last minute things together and making last minute plans. It was decided that we would all meet at Nova’s house to take pictures, and her older brother would drive us to the dance. On Thursday, Nova had made us all pinky promise to wear black- she said that all-black in pictures would look good and as she put it, “Black is confident yet mysterious. Black is the only color that screams meaning.”
My parents and I walked over to Nova’s 10 minutes early. I rang the doorbell, trying to ignore the pathetic wave of nervousness I felt. “You’ve known her your whole life. Calm down.” The words I repeated in my head did little to calm me.
Her mother opened the door and ushered us in. Nina sat on the living room couch, wearing a cleanly cut, simple black dress and her signature overly smudged eyeliner. As soon as she saw me she stood up and walked over, muttering “Thank god. I had to talk to her family alone for the last 15 minutes. It was horrid.”
“Where’s Nova?” I looked around the living room, as if she would suddenly appear behind the furniture.
“Getting ready.” Nina rolled her eyes. “I swear, she never bothers to look at a clock.”
Sam arrived shortly after, wearing black as well. When we were all assembled in the living room in front of the fireplace for pictures, Nova appeared at the entry way. Her black dress was loose, hanging off her shoulders and flowing mid thigh. It was a simple baby doll style dress (something I had learned from my older sister when she had forced me to go graduation dress shopping with her), but on Nova it looked gorgeous. Her blond hair hung in loose waves and her makeup was minimal except for the black eyeliner lining her grey, almost on the verge of being blue, eyes. She smiled and I could feel my heart seemingly collapse, I was a teenage boy hopelessly falling into the clumsy, awkward state of adolescent love.
We took pictures and smiled while the parents laughed and remarked at how fast we were growing up. After posing for a dull 20 minutes, we piled into Nova’s older brother’s car and drove to the dance.
The high school gym was filled with fluorescent balloons and laughing teenagers. Music poured out from the speakers that sat on a table in the corner, with other tables set up in corners of the room for tired teachers that were forced to chaperone. The line for the girl’s bathroom was already long- girls fixing their makeup and stopping in to gossip or pick up tips for attracting boys. The boys all wore white shirts and some sort of tie that matched their dates, the girls all wore bright , sparkly dresses as they each tried to outshine one another. Nova, Sam, Nina, and I stood out- four out-of-the-ordinaries dressed in black from head to toe with smiles on our faces as our predetermined opinions on prom were met- we all thought it was an overrated, pointless event, so our expectations were low and we were intent on having a good time.
***
Sweaty bodies mingled throughout the gym; the last song had just ended and everybody was slowly starting to file out.
Sam was holding Nina’s hand in the most casual way possible; neither would outright acknowledge this unspoken form of contact.
“Logan and I are going to go somewhere else, guys.” Nova said to Sam and Nina as we left the gym and stepped outside.
I looked at Nova quizzically. I had never agreed to this, but I guess I was going with her.
Sam locked eyes with me, holding the gaze for a second longer than usual. I shrugged my shoulders; I had no idea where I was going either.
“Okay, see ya.” Nina gave a small smile.
Nova started walking across the street, her black dress fluttering in the crisp air.
“Where are we going?” I asked, following her slowly.
“To the football field.” She answered simply. Nova continued the short walk to the field, a thin figure outlined in black cloth.
I didn’t say anything as we walked to the middle of the field. Once finding a good patch of grass, Nova lay down on her back, turning her face up to the starry sky and closing her eyes.
I lay down next to her, careful to give a safe amount of space between us.
“I just want to look at the stars. For a little bit.” She said, quietly and slowly.
“Okay.” I regarded the sky, taking in every moment of silence; the only sounds were our slow breaths and the distant hum of cars cruising the road at 11:30 pm.
“Isn’t it so incredibly beautiful to be nothing?” She said suddenly, a new wave of exhilaration in her voice.
Nova continued, “There are so many other galaxies out there, so much space and so much capability for other life, other life that may be far more advanced and important than us. Isn’t it great to be insignificant? We are here and then we die. It’s so freeing. We can do whatever we want, we can be whatever we want, because someday we will all return to dust and the particles that make up our bodies will return to the universe, and all our flaws and mistakes and regrets will not matter, we will not matter.”
I lay, thinking. Finally I asked, “But don’t you want to be something? Isn’t there a small part of you that yearns to create something greater than yourself? To have your name printed in books or your thoughts hanging in art galleries?”
“No, because then people have a fixed conception of me in their minds. I don’t want to be known for a specific thing. I am a different person each day, never defining myself and never following one persona. By always changing, I can never be confined within the rigid walls of a set label. So then, no one can actually know the entirety of me- because I’m always different. I don’t even know myself.”
I sat up slowly, looking at this girl who was lost in her own contemplations and traipsing through her own world. Her eyes met mine.
And all of a sudden it was gone. Her eyes went dimmer, as if a light switch in her mind had suddenly been flicked off.
“Okay, well, it’s getting late. Let’s start to head home.” Nova said, quickly brushing the grass off of her dress and standing up. She was a completely different person than what she had just been lying on the grass confessing her thoughts to me.
“Um. Oh.” I, dumbfounded, quickly stood up and followed her back across the football field and onto the sidewalk, where we walked the 1.2 miles to our neighborhood in silence.
We were almost to our houses; the neighborhood was completely dark except for the yellow streetlights casting shadows on our faces. She stopped. Her black mascara was smudged underneath her grey eyes, a smirk playing on her lips.
“You know, you can kiss me.”
“What?”
“Well it’s obvious that you want to.”
I didn’t bother to think; I just leaned in and let Nova’s lips softly brush mine. She pulled away after a couple seconds.
“Goodnight Logan.” She started walking up her driveway, turning back to smile at me one last time.
“Goodnight, Nova.” I mumbled as she disappeared into the shadow of her garage.
I was fascinated and mesmerized by Nova Williams, and I realized this at approximately 3:48 am when I had been staring at my bedroom ceiling for the past 2 hours straight. My mind kept replaying the way she had looked at me with a slow smirk and wide eyes, and how I could almost hear the words rolling off her tongue, “You think you know me. But you don’t. And you never will.”
