Insecurity || MewGulf

𝒾𝓃 𝓌𝒽𝒾𝒸𝒽 𝒽𝑒 𝓈𝓉𝓇𝓊𝑔𝑔𝓁𝑒𝓈 𝓉𝑜 𝓈𝑒𝑒 𝒽𝒾𝓈 𝓌𝑜𝓇𝓉𝒽

"But why? Why would you love someone like me? Someone so broken as me?" He looked up at him with tears filling his already swollen eyes.

The older of the two felt his heart ache to hear the love of his life asking such a question. What can he do to make the younger recognize his worth? What can he do to show the love of his life that he is worth a million stars? How could someone as honest and genuine as him not see his worth?

"Because you're the one I've been looking for Yai Nong.  After what I've been through in the past, now I've finally realized you're it, baby."

"But P'Mew, what do you see in me? How could you love me when I can't even begin to love myself?"

Oh, how Mew wishes Gulf could see what Mew sees in him.

Many had thought their first meeting had been during the TharnType The Series casting day but that wasn't the case. In truth, Mew and Gulf had met a year before the casting day. Mew had just finished his filming when he saw Gulf. It was in the evening, cars filling up the roads, many on their way back home. Gulf was standing on the overhead bridge staring into space, occasionally looking down towards the cars passing by below him.

From afar, it seemed as though Gulf was thinking, he looked as if he was in his own world. Nobody seemed to care about the young man. Mew, the kind-hearted man he is, decided to approach the young man. Just as he reached the top of the stairs, he saw the young man was already getting himself over the railings of the bridge.

Mew run as fast as his feet would allow him to. The only goal in mind was to save the young man from falling to his death.

"No. No. Let me go. Let me go. Why did you save me? Why? Why? Why? Let me go. Let me jump." The young man whose name Mew later learns to be Gulf kept trying to push Mew away. Mew's heart ached to see such a young man wanting to throw his life away just like that.

"Fine, Nong. You want to jump? You want to end your life? Then, we'll do it together. Come on." It's as if those words brought Gulf back to reality. Mew realized the change in the young man's demeanour and quickly pulled him further away from the railings.

"Come, let's get a drink." Mew tugged the young man with him towards a small cafe nearby. He bought the young man a drink in hopes to calm him down.

"Nong, are you okay now? What's your name?"

"Gulf khrub. Thank you, Phi for stopping me."

What both Mew and Gulf did not expect was to meet each other again a year later.

Now, two years since the incident, Mew and Gulf had found love and happiness in each other. But Gulf still struggles with his major depressive disorder. There are times when Gulf would feel worthless, unable to see the reasons for why the fans, including his boyfriend, P'Mew loves him so much. What is there to love about him? Compared to his Khun Phi, he's nothing.

"P'Mew, do you see all these scars on me? How could you love me when my arms and thighs look like this? I don't deserve to be loved, P'Mew. Don't you see? I'm not perfect. I'm far from being perfect." Gulf could not see what's so good about himself for him to be loved by his P'Mew.

Seeing tears streaming down Gulf's face, it hurt Mew. It pains Mew seeing Gulf so vulnerable in front of him. Yes, scars littered his Yai Nong's arms and thighs but Mew still loves him wholeheartedly.

"Yai Nong. Baby. Gulf. I love you. I want you to know I love you so much, Yai Nong. These scars don't make me love you less, Love. Instead, these scars on you make me love you more. Love, it shows me that I should treasure you and keep you by my side, always. You're mine na, Gulf and I'm yours. No matter how many times you tell me you don't deserve to be loved by me and that I should find someone else, I'll still love you. I will never leave you. Like I said Love, you're it for me. Nobody else can take your place in my heart. You're all I need. I'll always be here to love you and show you that you're worth it. I'll be here to teach you how to love yourself and I'll be here too to see you finally loving yourself as much as I do. My heart is yours Love and it'll forever be yours."

"Thank you na, P'Mew for loving me. Thank you so much. I promise, one day I'll see my worth. I promise that there will come a day when I'll learn to love myself. But for now, I hope you can be patient and stay with me na P'Mew. Please don't give up on me, Khun Phi. I love you so much, Mew Suppasit Jongcheveevat. I love you so so much." Gulf held on to Mew as tight as he could, afraid his Khun Phi would see the flaw in him and leave him for good.