The Pretty Privilege

1// White men and a Killer Throw

Infatuation at Young Age

Dylan didn't understand what drew her to white boys.

Maybe it was because of the white faces across the television screen she sat across from since the age of 9.

Or how most of the boys in her class since kindergarten were white.

Or how the male influencers and celebrities she encountered on her Instagram Home Page looked the same: broad-shouldered, 6'3 and - you guessed it: white. 

Dylan grew up in a white world. This world slowly warped her perception of what was enough: 

- The way she looked.

- The way she talked.

- What she wore.

- The movies and books she consumed.

Most importantly, how she saw herself.

For the longest time, Dylan looked in the mirror and saw exactly what those boys wanted:

Skinny. She stopped eating breakfast and counted her macros and went for a 5K run every morning.

Tall. She wore  heels to class, the mall and any social outing.

White. She avoided the sun, always carrying a hat or umbrella.

A girl who wasn't afraid to eat a burger and made sure it went to her butt, not her thighs. High-waisted jeans were the ticket to Slim-thick City.

A girl who filled a C-cup but covered her chest enough to show a small hint of what was inside. Push up bras.

A girl that never left the house without makeup. Her contour elongated her nose and made her jaw slimmer.

A girl who regularly watched sports. She studied the Premier League and prerecorded games to memorize scores and players.

Dylan subconsciously developed into a product of male fantasy.

But for some reason, Dylan never felt she fit into this perfect template.

"It's because you're not white."

Dylan snapped out her long admiring gaze at the men's hurling team and whipped her head around. "What did you say?" asked Dylan. 

Aoife gently smacked the back of her notebook across Dylan's shoulder. "I said, it's because you're not white."

Her words stung Dylan and she even shrunk back at the truth. "I know. I'm proud to be Chinese," she replied. Her voice at the end of her sentence grew weak, and Aoife rolled her eyes.

"Ah look, Dylan lying again. We love to see it. Your next experience article should be 'Living in a White World: An Asian Girl's Guide To Thriving as a Minority."

Dylan and Aoife were both writers for HerCampus, the online college magazine that brought the two girls together in first year.

Dylan only ever talked to Aoife about her insecurities as a coloured girl because, well, Aoife knew what it was like to feel like a token BIPOC in a white-dominant school. 

BIPOC: (Black/Indigenous/Person of Colour) 

Aoife was the only Filipino-Irish mixed woman in the HerCampus Society. She grew up Ireland before moving to Canada for university. The girls freaked over their love for all music except country and bonded over cultural similarities.

"I'm a work in progress, okay?" Dylan explained and found her gaze falling back to the field of men. It was Dylan's turn to pick a 'studying' spot after class and of course - she always picked the bleachers that looked down on the men sports' practices.