It's June 23, 2020.
I started this, "book" of confessionals when i was 15.
I'm currently 19, and 20 is waiting for me around the corner lmao.
When i started this, i never realized how.. immature, i sounded at some point.
Considering i based this entire thing based on my feelings and emotions at the time, i'll let it slide.
I'm currently in college, doing pretty good.
For so long i debated within myself if i had depression or not. Sometimes I still question if i do, because i still have moments of complete sadness and hopelessness.
In the beginning i had major self esteem issues, and now realizing slight paranoia. I always thought people were watching and judging me in negative ways.
To some, it's nothing. But for me, it was a lot. I mean, i literally would not go to school based on that.
I wouldn't say i'm happy now, i'm not sad either, i have my days with both emotions. As anyone would, I believe.
I would like to think i've come a long way from where I was, solely based on how I view myself now.
I'm confident in myself.
I love myself 100%, flaws and all.
In a sense, I lied— in whatever confession— I stated that this "book" was for the viewers.
It's not.
It's for me, always has been and always will be.
Though, I do want people to take away something from this.
What exactly? i don't know.
I guess to give a feeling that you aren't alone with some things you may feel.
This portion is completely out of order but so am i.
I didn't write out everything in this confessional thing.
Simple because, i never wanted to bring up certain things, never wanted to face—head on— wtf was wrong with me but i can now, sort of.
anyways, idk why i'm writing in this, just wanted to say something i guess.
