Lonewolf Luna

Chapter one

A few hours ago, I woke up in a state which I dare not be in ever again; shaking, sweating, sad. After minutes of holding back tears and drying myself up, I decided to admire the gloomy, rainy afternoon that I woke up to.

I now sit on a patch of grass amongst the land I grew up on: everything looks too familiar. The tall evergreens aiming for the stars; the house behind me, old to the point where iron is rust and wood is coated with morning dew that never dries; the South, on my left, mocking me yet inviting me - with a shadow that seems to expand for miles - into where the sun shows no mercy. So, I've learnt to avoid it.

Until curiosity - and, admittedly, anger - took over me 10 years later. Or was it weakness? 

I shaped my hands into fists down my sides. This was the time when I was not even sure if I could live all by myself for much longer, so did I really think it wise to be here? 

I can't say I was proud, but I did develop strength and a new habit of being aware. I guess I deserved this lifestyle for leaving like that, I thought, sighing and sinking my shoulders lower.

I pull bunches of grass at once, making my hands muddy and wet with fresh rain water. It stopped a few minutes ago, when I stopped paying attention to it and wandered over to the corners of my mind. I haven't visited there for years, willingly. However, I decided that my life has crumbled down, and I regretted everything; way back to the point where it was my last day here; when all was good and new, and of course I didn't realise it would be my last day until my parents brought it up.

It sounds sad. It sounds very unsatisfactory to me. "My life has been wrecked by all sorts of things, so I came back to the place where things were good, only to realise that it certainly doesn't feel the same as it used to; no care, no worries. And now I don't feel secure. Probably because I've adapted to always pay attention to my surroundings. No matter what, where, or who I am; and I don't just mean what my name is," I narrate in my mind.

I've changed, not that I like it, but I have to deal with it.  I've survived these 3 years as an independent - or lonely - person, as I'd put it. I've always wondered if there are people worth just the thought, if a small number is to be kept for decades, and if there was one person who chooses to stay with me forever; my mate.

I guess I never cared about that title until now, the time everything decides to stay still. This worries me still, because if a cat stops and crouches, it's positioned well to attack its target... Am I anyone's target?

I lie down again. My wavy brown hair spreading out on the grass, and before I know it, I'm thinking of these hopeless thoughts for as long as the sun sets and the stars fade in; showing a crystal clear sky I appreciate and admire. It has always stayed with me admist all those who didn't.

I mutely thank the moon, which is at its best and fullest state. I also thank the moon Goddess, who probably kept it from raining whilst I've been out here. It's like she's built a room with walls & a ceiling up to prevent anything unclean from entering. I am aware, however, that it won't last.