Decoding Independence (Monte Llana Series #1)

09

TW: rape, harassment

"Oh, ba't may biglaang celebration?"

Lira put her bag on the couch nang dumating siya kasama si Sia. I invited them over for a drink. I just need a little talk with them. Maya-maya, dumating na rin si Lau. Nilabas ko na ang lahat ng natitirang bote ng Smirnoff sa ref. Chill night lang. I also ordered mojos and fries for us.

"It's not a celebration, stupid!" I rolled my eyes on Lira.

"Break na kayo ni Clive? Naging kayo ba? Or kayo na ba? Bakit break agad?" naguguluhang tanong ni Sia at saka pinatong ang mga paa sa binti ni Lira. Pinandilatan naman siya agad ng mata nito.

"Couple shirt pa kayo kanina, LQ agad tonight? Limited edition lang pala relasyon nyo?" Lau started putting ice on our respective glasses.

Napaupo na lang ako sa carpet at hindi umimik. I didn't know how to voice out my thoughts. Hindi naman ako pinilit ng tatlo. They just tossed for our first shot.

"I really can't do this, you know?" sabi ko out of nowhere. They all scoffed in unison. They knew it! They were expecting to hear that from me.

"Sabi ko na nga ba!" Sia hissed.

"Hay, pag-ibig nga naman, Lord!" Lira got a pillow from the couch.

Si Lau, she was just looking at me with a raised brow. "Bahala ka, Oceana. Malaki ka na."

I just sighed. Pumasok na lang ako sa kwarto para kunin ang mga bandana tops na binili ko for them. Lau initiated to wear it kaya nag-photoshoot lang kami saglit. I just posted a cute photo of us on Instagram. Tapos nilagyan ko lang ng caption na 'ily ty for coming over'.

"You know what, Osh, buti nga ang haba ng pasensya ni Clive sa'yo," Sia blurted.

Tumango-tango naman sina Lau at Lira, agreeing to what Sia said. Well, I do agree, too. Clive was really patient with me. Na-guilty ako bigla when I told him that I was starting to fall in love with him. Well, that was true! I'm already in love with him na nga, e. But it's just too difficult for me to accept it.

"I undertand where you're coming from, Osh," Sia held my hand. "Don't force yourself. Hindi healthy 'yan."

"Seryoso, dude. Anong problema? Like what's the freaking root of this shit? Para mabigyan ng reseta yan," Lira playfully said. I just laughed. She really knows how to make the atmosphere light.

Bumuntong-hininga ako bago sumagot. "I just don't see myself in a commitment. Parang I can't handle a relationship 'cause it would mean that I will depend on someone," mahabang paliwanag ko.

"Then don't depend yourself to Clive!" sambit naman ni Lau.

I shook my head. "It's not a problem for me. It's something I'm worried about him."

"Hala? So ikaw na magsasabi kung anong magiging mabuti para sa kanya? Hindi pwede 'yon, oy!" Lira was frustrated. I can sense her anger on my selfishness.

"True! Alam na ni Clive ginagawa niya, Osh. Just mind your own feelings," Sia got a piece of mojos.

"Well, uh... I just think it's unfair that he's giving his all but I couldn't even give him the bare minimum."

It was true. That was the real gist! I already sensed that Clive was starting to get attached, while I couldn't even reciprocate his effort... because of some things.