Untitled, Unspoken, Unseen.

Backstory

Behind the inspiration there is a pain unfelt and so sweetly hurting everyday. The way I word things is just the way I see things. A different point of view, a new perspective. Some days are worse than most but that doesn't stop me from being strong. Most people have loved ones they list down for thank yous in inspiration, but there's a truth behind mine. My family, loved one, are not my inspiration. They are the reason the pain is there, the reason I have problems.
Sometimes where one fails to speak out loud, they succeed in writing and telling you the story. It has been a while since I allowed my writing to take over and just let it flow out of my brain. This is my explanations to things that most people like me may not understand. I want to be able to help someone one day that needs it. Sometimes hoping the things I write will be put out in the world and it will help people understand each other better. Or hopefully understand themselves and who they really are.
Sometimes I feel as if I'm drowning and life is letting go with pain. Sometimes the feelings aren't there because i'm so numb and gone. The gone feeling is so normal, if I feel a different feeling it frightens me. It isn't familiar, it's a tourist on this broken place my body calls a home...my heart.
The depths of a story is like the lines on someone's skin. The struggles of my life just has to do with the fact that I can't stand leaving my house because I have a fear of people, as well as a panic disorder. These things affect my everyday life, but I still work with them.
I hide from my own pain and fear. I have become a person I didn't wnat to become. Once becoming this person it's hard to find who I am really suppose to be. But thats what happens when you have depression and so many other medical issues. On top of the fact you stay in a relationship you know is unhealthy for you.
I know I am a controlling, organizationally person but it's because people have tried to keep me locked away from society.