"Hold On To Me."

Chapter 1: "I can't take this."

" Please don't do this I need you ...you mean so much to me ... I'm nothing without you .You gave me happiness and love something I have been longing for." Jungkook begged . Tears began to form in my eyes as I look down while sitting out of the window of a tall building "Don't you get it I don't deserve you Jungkook I'm so ashamed and disgusted of myself .You deserve a girl who is more beautiful than me." I replied. "PLEASE DON'T ...NOOOO—" Jungkook yelled.

10 Years ago
So my story began when I was a little girl I was nine years old. I grew up in Texas in the countryside usually it's quiet and peaceful compare to the city . I wouldn't say I had a good child hood for this is the year when my life turned into hell. A nine year old can you believe that? So I have three brothers and one sister and we are not all blood related but we treat each other like we are . I was very close to one of my brothers his name is Adam . Adam and I bonded so well when we were little and we were happy until all of that ended. One night Adam and I were hanging out I was nine years old at the time and he was thirteen. So we hung out together having laughs making jokes then we saw a movie together . I slowly drifted to sleep I remembered waking up in the middle of the night feeling something behind me . I was very confused it felt pointy then I began to move away until I felt an arm around my waist pulling me back into the pointy object . I turned my head to see that it was Adam grinding on me . I began to freak out and a tear escape from my eye of how terrified I was he then touched my private area and I froze . That feeling of terror it was like my body was paralyzed I couldn't move....I couldn't scream . I was screaming inside for help "MOM WHERE ARE YOU HELP ME !!!! DAD I NEED YOU TO SAVE ME !!!"I couldn't scream it out . He did what he did when he was finished and drift off to sleep I slowly got up and went to my room . I cried all night feeling confused and terrified I had no idea what to do with what just happened . The next day came and we all had breakfast I was quiet of course while everyone was talking and laughing I felt so alone . I knew that I couldn't tell my parents about what happened because I would tear my family apart instead I kept it to myself . From that day on it started happening every night my brother would come to my room and sexually abused me . As I was getting older it was getting harder to hold that in but I knew I had to . I didn't want to destroy my family I wanted all of us to be together . When I turned 16 I had my first boyfriend he was there for me but at the same time he was fooling around with some other girls behind my back . I loved him very deeply and I was happy that I had my first boyfriend . When I went over to his house we were playing a game on the Xbox when all of a sudden I felt his hand on my thigh I flinched at his touch and he kissed me roughly and I kissed him back he than pulled on my jean and I grabbed his hand " Wait I can't do this ." I said . "Why not? " he asked . "I just can't .." I responded . "It will be okay let's just do it ." He replied. "But I don't —" he cut me off with a kiss and stuck his tongue in my mouth I began to push him away from me but he was too strong and he pulled down his jeans and began to rape me . After that was over I went home crying again in my room and I felt so ashamed disgusted of myself . " Why does this happen to me ? What did I do wrong? I don't want to live anymore." My thoughts came in my mind . I saw a razor blade and I started to cut my wrist until it bled all over my floor . I cried and cried that whole night I then cleaned up my mess and wrapped up my wrist . From that day on I was cutting myself daily I hated myself for letting that happen to me I should've been a strong person . I never loved myself because of what was done to me . Now you're probably thinking didn't you had friends? Well yes I did I had three best friends that were there for me but I didn't tell them what happened to me I couldn't I didn't want them to know . We ended up starting a band together that was the best time of my life and it was an escape for me to get away from my thoughts . That came to an end eventually I was pushing them away being possessive over them and when that happened I fell into deep depression and angry at myself. I had another boyfriend at the time we lasted two years but he left . He couldn't deal with my depression and said all these mean things to me " I wasted all my money on you . I'm happy without you ." It destroyed me I thought he was the one for me . I tried to committed suicide but I thought of my parents . Then I remembered one of my friend introduced me to a Kpop group called BTS I was into them before but I stopped so I started to listen to their songs again . I learned how to love myself and accept myself and forget my past . I was so happy inside I loved their music. There was one guy that caught my eye that I tried to ignore and his name is Jeon Jungkook the reason why I tried to ignore him was because I know a lot of people that like him . I didn't want to be some other person to like him but I couldn't help it especially his personality he always made me laugh in videos whenever I felt angry or sad I would watch BTS videos or Jeon Jungkook being himself and I feel happy and peaceful. I would love to meet Jeon Jungkook one day .