Chapter One; Introduction

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 The beginning

«Lucas…» my name left her lips as a soft whimper. She looked at me those deep, blue eyes that would never learn the true definition of responsibility. I gazed back at her, sighing, knowing I wouldn’t be able to see those eyes for a while.

 

“Mom, I’ll be fine”, I reassured, voice flat. I sounded indifferent as usual. Of course I would be fine, I’d survived without much of her presence in 17 years. The fact that geological distance would be separating us now, not just her imaginary world, wouldn’t make much of a difference. Not that it was necessary to tell her this, though.

 

“Are you sure?” she questioned, her voice filled with worry. I could see it in her eyes, the doubt. I could see that I only had to tell her to stay, and she would cancel the whole tour. On the other hand, I could see how she was begging for me to come along with her. But this was her tour. Not mine.

 

I sighed, gave her a carefree look and nodded. Her eyelids sank, and a small smile lingered on her lips. She stepped closer, rose onto her toes, brushed away some hair from my face and kissed my forehead. She was too clumsy, too short. I had to bow down or else she would have missed. She should be worrying about herself, not me. Had she always been this tiny? She seemed so fragile right now. At least she had Tom, her manager. I knew him. He could buy food and cook, fill gas and drive, pay bills, charge phones and had a memory of an elephant rather than of a goldfish. He was capable of taking care of someone that was hardly able to take care of themselves. Someone like mom.

 

She wrapped her arms around my waist and squeezed tight. Tom was standing behind her, distress written all over his face. He didn’t want to ruin the heartbreaking goodbye between a mother and her son, but they were running late. Slowly, I bended her fingers free from my shirt and pushed her half a step away from me. The same irresponsible eyes glanced up, brimming with unshed tears, and for one short second I wondered why I didn’t feel the same pain. But only for a moment.

 

“You’ll have to go now, or else you’ll miss your flight”, I exclaimed, trying to sound soft. She put up her brave smile again, and nodded hard, small fractions of tears flying in the air. And then she disappeared, waving like a maniac, attraction more attention than she should. The corner of my mouth couldn’t help put curl upwards. Idiot.

 

I went home, took the bus, and attracted more attention than my half-sane mother with just my sheer presence. I hated to take the bus.

 

Seven tired carton boxes greeted me as I walked in the door. They were waiting for tomorrow with limited patience, hungered for the day they could leave this rotting hole of a city.  I scanned every extravagant room, knowing I wouldn’t miss them. They seemed hollow without my mother’s glowing aura. Dad had already moved all his sacred belongings to his new office, but it hardly made a difference.

 

I entered my room, the only place that I possibly would regret leaving. It had never matched the rest of the house, but now it seemed more empty and dead than usual. The only thing left was my king-sized bed, which was too big for me to take with me. I let myself fall; the mattress caught my back before bouncing me back up again. Yup, I would miss it, but it had to be sacrificed.

 

No more hissed whispering from spoiled housewives. No more vicious glaring from the self-proclaimed higher men of society. No more people gurgling, spitting malice at you. At your family. From tomorrow on, that would be reality. I sighed and rolled over at my stomach. I didn’t really care how my new life would be. I just needed to get away from here. 

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