Teera and Hanirah

3:Handkerchief

3

Teera had decided that she now hated Wednesday Waktu Kokos with a burning passion. So it wasn't a surprise that after the school bell rang, her feet carried her to the library instead of the dewan where students were meant to split into their respective clubs and go to designated classrooms. As she walked, she entertained the idea of rallying up a protest on the subject in school.

Teera couldn't for the life of her understand why students were forced to join three things, badan beruniform, kelab and sukan, in the name of holistic education. She found it to be quite a blatant lie when at the end of the day, SPM scores were the ones prioritised to get into metrics or asasi or to get scholarships. Teera thought that joining clubs should be voluntary, done out of passion and sustained through love and care, not half hearted jabs at certificates. But the question still rang in her head, what if the one club you want to join doesn't want you.

She liked the library, it felt like walking through a time capsule from like, you know, way back in the past, like, it just gave off old vibes. It was dusty and full of rows and rows of wooden shelves carrying old books with library cards at their backs. She weaved her way past the wooden tables and shelves to the back of the library where the old encyclopedias were sealed away in glass cabinets. She ran her hand on the dusty glass panels as she vowed to rescue the imprisoned books one day and spotted her study carrel in the distance. It was this wooden cubicle much like a table sandwiched between wooden walls. There were a few but she had grown attached to the one at the middle and had coronated it to be her secret hideout. Instead of sitting on the chair, she pushed it aside and crawled into the space under the carrel.

In that dark and dingy space, Teera felt like she was finally off autopilot. She smiled reminiscing the time she brought a wet cloth and a pail of water to get rid of the cobwebs and settled in to take a nap. But her thoughts kept going back to that incident a few weeks ago. She murmured under her breath that 'secondary school clubs suck' to no one in particular. She couldn't stand that students who were popular got voted to be committee regardless of whether they had the skills or credibility to do the job. She murmured again, this time saying that 'school was a scam.'

Teera didn't want her thoughts to spiral into the depths of negativity, but she rationalised that if she had figured out a way to stop them, she wouldn't be there.

Teera, maybe you're the biggest scam of all. All you do is get angry and complain and make things a big deal. Maybe they were right. You're not objective enough, you're not smart enough, you're not passionate enough, you're just not cut out for it.

Before she could stop herself, tears were welling at the bottom of her eyelids. Teera took this as a sign of weakness and another reason why they didn't accept her. And that just about made the dams burst and she was full on ugly crying in no time. She didn't bother to cover her loud sobs and whimpers as she thought nobody would be in the library let alone at the back section during waktu koko. Then she felt something soft being shoved at her face and she choked on her saliva as she tried to move back.

There in front of her was the face of the last person she wanted to meet. Hanirah's body was bent at a weird angle so her face was jutting into view from the opening under the carrel, her blue pengawas tudung flowing downwards in the name of gravity. She had an eyebrow turned up in amusement and her hand was still on Teera's face, albeit having the piece of cloth blocking direct contact between them.

"Whawintewourl," Teera's voice came out sounding muffled under the cloth.

Hanirah must have been enjoying the weird position they had found themselves in and chuckled as she kneeled down to face Teera at eye level. Teera was ready to go off when she realised that the shock of what was happening had made her stop crying.

"Kenapa kau tak dekat kelab skrang, kalau pengawas lain jumpa kang-"

"Diam ah, it's none of your business!", Teera snapped, more so because Hanirah was using such a gentle tone and less so because she was being a busy body.

"O..k.. It's also none of your business hiding out in the library during waktu koko and being rude but.. whatever," Hanirah replied, words losing their sarcastic sharpness to her soft tone.

Hanirah moved to leave but Teera suddenly grabbed her wrist and shoved the cloth into her palm. "Here, take this back, this, this, wait a minute, it's a handkerchief, who in the world carries a handkerchief around in this day and age," Teera smirked and upon closer inspection exclaimed, " and what is with this print, it's the ugliest cat I've ever seen."

"You're the ugliest cat I've ever seen!" Hanirah blurted out, losing her calm composure for a split second before breathing out and giving a I-can't-deal-with-your-bullshit-anymore expression, her mouth thinning into a straight line and her eyes as slits. Hanirah continued, "A lot of people use handkerchiefs.. and.. and Grumpy Cat is not ugly.. and.. you would know if you had any friends."

Teera gasped, albeit a little dramatically. Teera is used to putting up this exterior that nothing phases her, so she's not hurt per say, at least the sentiment goes that she will never process hurt in front of others, but she was more surprised at this childish side of the school's golden girl. And in the first place, the final accusation wasn't true.

"I may not be as popular as you but I do have a close group of friends and the students here love my ideas-"

"What's the point if you can't even cry in front of them?"

Teera felt something snap inside and went cold, " Ahh, what the irony," she said as she looked Hanirah straight in the eyes.

Then they proceeded to have a staredown showdown, their gazes in a race, challenging and egging each other on. Again, Teera could feel herself get more and more annoyed as each second passed and each second felt like an eternity. As she decided to look away, Hanirah did too.

Hanirah proceeded to sigh and attempt to get up to leave for the second time.

"And why aren't you in your club?" Teera cooed, less as a question and more a statement tipped in venom. As she looked up to savour Hanirah's reaction, she saw Hanirah wince in pain as she lost her balance and was falling down. Instinctively, Teera moved forward and caught the taller girl in a hug. Teera was about to freak out and push Hanirah aside when she noticed her shoulders being gripped really tightly.

"Ouch, that hurts," Teera exclaimed monotonously, less about the pain and more as a signal for Hanirah to let her go.

It was a few long seconds before Hanirah pushed back but with her hands still on Teera's shoulders. Still with the pained expression and a few beads of sweat on her face, Hanirah explained, " I usually get pins and needles from sitting for too long, you can go ahead."

"I'll wait-"

"NO, JUST GO," Hanirah shouted in a whisper, if that was even possible.

Teera frowned. She knew something was off, and she acted like she knew more than she was letting on, but the truth is, she didn't know much at all.

Teera was about to go when Hanirah grabbed her wrist and shoved the handkerchief in the shorter girl's hand.

"You keep it, it has your snot all over it," Hanirah tried to say with her usual good humour but Teera could tell she was pushing herself.

"Okay, I got it, I'll wash it and return it," Teera said, matter of factly, and walked away.

"No, you don't have to," Hanirah tried to say but to no one in particular.