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There are times when I just lay down on my bed thinking how easy life could have been if I wasn't born as me.

     No, it couldn't be any prettier than what's been sculpted. My body, my personality, my thoughts, my belief, my faith, my soul. I've worked so on all of these not for nothing. So I'm grateful for everything that touches my heart and filled my mind with pains and sorrow. Thank you for teaching me so much, I'm capable of making everyone around me laugh and smile. It's somehow, helps me from drowning into pile of dark thoughts and nightmares.

     I'm grateful, because I finally have grown into a loving woman. I couldn't believe myself, I'm blinded with love and responsibilities, I couldn't see the world the way I saw it years ago. I couldn't spend a day not talking to anyone anymore. Oh, how things have changed. Life is now more than just black and white. If have to say, I'll say it out loud. I'm no longer numb, I can feel things. Altho most of the times I'm just angry, but oh god.. how wonderful it is to actually acknowledge my feelings. To stop saying "I'm okay" just because I couldn't recognize my emotions and needs. To let someone listens to my thoughts and let them in. To love and be loved.

     I'm grateful for the blessings I'm given, grateful that I was just a bunch of broken fucked up pieces that needs so much help and support to be whole. cause it takes true love to walk me into the right path. bit me a little when I'm loose, hold me tight and close when my world is falling apart.

I'm blessed with a true friend. true love.
so, damned me when I'm less grateful.
cause God have been too kind and loving.
eyeing and witnessing,
like a wind He knows where I go,
like a wind He blows where shall I go,
like a wind He soften me for a good time.
like a wind after a bad weather,
God blessed me with a healed heart.