The Outlines of Life

The past

My economics notes were sprawled over the living room table, I had the final exam tomorrow, but as much as I tried to concentrate on them my eyes kept wandering towards my phone. It had been a while since I had arrived home and I still hadn't heard from Colton; Ley hadn't texted me mentioning going out or anything and I was beginning to worry. Shaking my head to get rid of any dooming thoughts I brought my focus back to my Econ notes, going through them again, when the doorbell rang. Walking slowly to the door I opened it to find the centre of my thoughts standing there, with a serious face.

"Hey Mia, sorry to drop by without warning" I opened the door wider to let him in

"No problem come on in" I took a big breath as I closed the door after him

"Ley asked me to tell you he had a date and he was going to arrive late" I rolled my eyes

"Don't you guys have a final tomorrow?"

"No, they changed the day, something about the teacher having to work on a case"

"Oh" brilliant Emilia, nice response

"Yeah, so, I was wondering if we could talk, I know you've been avoiding me but... I... I think, no I want to talk to you"

"Sure, I... um... I actually sent you a text earlier today" his face looked confused as he patter the pockets of his jeans, probably looking for his phone

"I must've left it in the locker rooms" he chuckled "I really thought you had..."

"Ran away again?" I completed his sentence as I took a seat on one of the kitchen chairs

"Yeah" he scratched the back of his neck

"Sorry for avoiding you I just..."

"Look Mia, you really don't need to explain yourself" he hadn't taken a seat, he paced the floor "believe me when I say that understand perfectly wanting to put your past behind you"

"No, Colton, that's not exactly, I was actually in a bad, really bad mood on Sunday and I know Ley sort of told you what happened, and with what you heard I think you could put two and two together" he looked at me, no emotion I could identify in his eyes. I felt nervous, I was going to tell him what had happened "I think you better take a seat, I'm going to tell you a story" And I did, I told him how Adam had broken me, how he had waited until I was old enough to... to rape me, the memories coming back on full force as I relieved that night. Adam had taken me to a very nice and expensive restaurant to celebrate my 18th birthday, he had been hinting all night what he wanted us to do afterwards, going all the way to getting a room in a decent hotel. I was excited to some extent, finally he was interested in going one step further in our relationship and I thought I was ready to do it, but as soon as we had entered the hotel I realized I didn't want to do anything, I was scared and most definitely not ready. I voiced my thoughts to him, thinking he would understand and he'd take me back home, but he turned into a monster yelling about having been misled and how I had teased him for so long. Blinded by anger he had tied me up and proceeded to... well you get the picture. The days that followed I was a wreck, I felt ashamed and dirty, no matter how many times I had showered and scrubbed I could still feel his hands all over my body. I didn't want to tell my parents or Ley, I felt like it had been my fault and how could I ever tell them. They knew something was off, I barely talked and when I did it was either a quiet response or I would lash out. My mom would keep inviting Adam for lunch or dinner, and I had to see him, he would act all caring and loving but I saw in his eyes the evil that lurked there; he kept pushing me to get me alone but I never allowed it, always making up excuses to stay at home where someone was always present. Everything came to light when I over dosed with my mom's pills and Lay found my journal. I barely remember how everything went, after I left the hospital Ley never left my side and Adam was gone. Months passed with Ley taking me to see therapist after therapist hoping the nightmares would go and after a year, things had gone back to normal. A new normal where I could sleep and life took on a new meaning.