Facing Metaphoric Demons *TW*

*TW* Facing metaphoric demons

It's time I face this underlying fear. It's something I've carried around with me all of my life. I believe in shadow work, where you look your demons in their eyes and handle it. Every now & then you find one that is a bit more sneaky. They hide in your mind, playing tricks on your self worth. Telling you lies and creating an ache that only you can fix. Only you can heal!

I'm in a great relationship right now. As amazing as that is, it's scary as f!! Crazy to think, right?! You would think after so many bad relationships - romantic and otherwise - that finally having something great would be heaven and butterflies. Except it isn't.

That's where that little fear demon comes in. It constantly repeats things to you that you've been told all your life:

-You aren't worthy of anything good.

They will only love you for a little while. Then they will get to know you.

You're just crazy. No one will ever love you.

You're too ugly. Too fat. Too ruined.

You're too sensitive. Too witchy. Too cold. -

There are so many variations to these lies that float around and scare you to your core. Lately, I've been overcome with this horrendous anxiety that screams he is going to wake up one day and find out I'm really a monster. Even tho I'm not a monster at all!!! So why does that keep coming up?

Because I've made some mistakes in my life and carried other people's labels? We ALL make mistakes! That doesn't make us any less worthy of love. We all deserve love, including and especially self-love!!

Have you ever realized you're kinda pushing someone away without even realizing it. You don't want that at all...but something is happening and you are. All because of that fear.

We have to stop doing that!!! I have to stop doing that. I DO deserve to be loved. There are a lot of beautiful things about me.

Yes, I can be a mess! I believe in being raw about my emotions n things I am going thru. That's extremely hard for a lot of people to handle.

But I help people as much as I can. I forgive people even when ego says they don't deserve it. I constantly make sacrifices to make sure others have things they need or want. - that is part of the problem too tho. I need to allow myself to be important too. If you are always sacrificing and giving up what you want, you are teaching those around you that you don't matter as much or that you come last. That also attracts users and abusers. There needs to be more self love and respect than that.

I've been surrounded by narcissists thru-out my life. They all have served a purpose at different points tho. Afterall, I somehow attracted that. It's not about blame...but more about accountability. Realizing our vibrations. My 2 ex's and my mother were the biggest narcs. Each of them broke me in a lot of ways.

When we are broken down, it doesn't mean it's the end of us. It's a chance to rebuild ourselves and apply the lessons. There are always lessons!

I suppose this fear also has lessons within it too. Learn to embrace self love. Maybe to let go and surrender too. Sometimes that is the hardest part, huh.

I have abandonment issues somehow. I always feel like everyone is gonna just get tired of me. The thing is, it's only the people that aren't meant to be in our lives that leave. That's actually an amazing thing! It shows life is working out FOR US!!

We have to flip the script on these fears!!

We have to stop them dead in their tracks and question them!

To turn around and ask "why?" Then see them stumble because they aren't used to being questioned.

Then we have to provide ourselves with evidence that backs up that it's a lie. For example, I have people in my life that have been around since I was a toddler! People that are of no relation to me and have chosen to stay in my life. That's an example of being loved thru everything! By someone that doesn't have to. These are the things we need to do when these annoying and sometimes debilitating fears take over.

Anyway, that's the train I am currently cruising on at the moment. I could keep rambling but I think it's enough to leave you with to ponder on your own.

I welcome anyone to add any of their own personal thoughts, experiences etc. All I ask is that if anyone does share any experiences that we approach them with respect, empathy and compassion. Please don't disrespect anyone. Thanks!! <3