Just Friends

Confusion & Confessions P2

Derek's POV

Maybe what I did was wrong. I don't care. I've done plenty of things that could be considered wrong, but I didn't regret this one.

Actually, that's a shocking falsehood. I regret kissing Stiles more than anything else I've ever done.

Not because I don't want to kiss Stiles. Of course I want to kiss him, I'm a sane human being. Or, well, close enough.

One, now I don't have to imagine what it's like to kiss him. I know, and that'll make it worse when I can't.

Two, he's got to know how I feel about him, and that might destroy our friendship. I've already lost a lot of friends. I can't lose him too. He's my best friend.

Miguel taps me on the shoulder, and I pull away. I don't really hear what he's saying, too consumed with bitterness, regret, self-disgust, and self-loathing. But I do know what he is trying to say.

Leave, because this scum doesn't like to see fags kissing.

I nod, and, perhaps because I know it might be the last time I can touch Stiles, I grab him by the shirt collar down the stairs, outside, and into the jeep. I don't want anyone to hear us, and when the need arises, I can get out of the car and run away.

We sit in silence for a moment, and then Stiles says, "I'm sorry, I totally overstepped my boundaries. We were pretending and I got carried away."

HE got carried away? He's not the one who wanted to make out with his best friend.

"You did nothing wrong. You were just pretending. I'm the one who should apologize." I say, look at my own hands.

"What do you mean?" I hear Stiles say. Oh God, he didn't notice. What do I tell him?

I guess honesty is the best policy.

"At least you didn't delude yourself into thinking it was real." I mumble, half-hoping he doesn't hear.

"Uh, yeah, Derek, I did. I really do kind of want it to be real. But why would you want someone like me?" Stiles sounds a little irritated, and confused. I know the feeling.

"I don't understand what you mean. Why wouldn't I want you to-?" I take a shaky breath. "To be my... boyfriend. You're my best friend, Stiles. You're intelligent, funny, unbelievably attractive." I look at him. He still looks confused.

"Stiles, don't you get it? For good or for bad, I like you. Hell, I'd even go so far as to say I'm in love with you. I love the way you're always worrying about your dad, even if you're in mortal danger. Although, sometimes I wish you'd worry about yourself more. I love the way you help Scott, and the rest of the pack, and me, in every way you can. I love the way you always have an idea in your head. Most of all, I love that you can show mercy. I'm still learning to do that."

I didn't even know the depths of my own feelings until I said that.

Stiles looks resolute. Oh no, here it comes. We can't be friends anymore.

Stiles tugs me by my shirt and our lips meet.

Oh.

OH.

I guess we don't have to be "friends" anymore.