Ataxia

Chapter 4

Sander

2044

"Sander, I told you to be quiet!" Pa hissed bitterly. My little five-year-old self shuffled backwards, my bottom lip quivering. I was so meek back then that even the smallest sounds made me jump like some giant cat was on the prowl.

"Y-yes, Pa." I stuttered in my soon-to-be-broken thick Dutch accent. Ever since moving to America, I felt embarrassed whenever I spoke because I felt so out of place with my voice. Back at home, it was completely normal.

Pa and I immigrated from the Netherlands (Or Nederlands) to the States, hoping for a better life for me as an ataxia. We couldn't make it to Mexico, so America was the next best thing. Pa was a good man but had gone bitter ever since Mam was shot in a protest for ataxias. She had tried her best so that I could be free. But we would have all been here together if she didn't take the bullet. Why did she do it? I was discovered as an ataxia in the Netherlands from accidentally killing my best friend, Pim De Boer. It spread quickly and was posted all over the internet and news. So we simply left. We were hiding with my Aunt Miep and my Uncle Kristofer. We were hidden in the secret door in the attic when raids happened. Though cameras and bugs and spies were placed God knows where. The shock for me had traumatized me to barely speak or stutter with my words. I didn't like speaking and at the time I didn't want to ever again.

"And quit your stuttering, Sander. It makes you sound unsure."

"Ye -- er, yes, Pa."

"Now hush."

We heard loud clomping footsteps leading to the attic. Pa rushed me to the hidden door in the wall and tossed me inside and climbed in. He shut the door quietly just as the officer had burst into the room. I shivered, hiding in the corner. The room we were in was very cramped and heated. The walls were lined with carpet and there were two separate mats and blankets where we slept and a small book kept in front of my mat. The little figurine of some old comic book superhero was concealed under my blanket, it was my most valuable treasure. It was given to me by Mam on my birthday a few weeks before she passed. I loved it dearly and made sure to play with it daily when Pa left to go work secretly. I stayed upstairs with my cousin, Jumper, who would play endless games of cards with me. She was so kind to me and had the cutest smile.

"Do you miss your mom?" Jumper asked me. She was three years older than me, eight. "From what Uncle Hiddie drags on about, she seems really nice. I've never met her." Jumper had lived in America her whole life. I've only heard about her from what my relatives told me. So she never knew my Mam except from stories about her.

"Does your Mam ever sing, Jumper?" I asked and we both placed down a queen at the same time. I thought I was gonna win that time.

"Well, not all that often, only in the car. But dad does. He's a musician. War," she placed down a king.

I placed down an ace and took all four cards. Normally aces are the least valuable cards but how Jumper taught me to play was that ace was the highest, besides a joker. "Well, my Mam would sing every moment she got, especially while doing laundry or cooking. That's what I miss most about her. I can't hear her voice." It was true. Mam had a beautiful voice and I missed her so much. It was frustrating to know that I would never see her again.

"I'm so sorry, Sander," she patted my knee. It was sweet, but it wasn't comforting, like a lot of things are. "I can't imagine what it would be like if my mom went away. Dad says that even when people leave us, we can remember them. And even though I never knew my aunt, I know she's in heaven, right?"

"Well, you're wrong, Jumper," I said harshly, which I immediately regretted. Jeez, why could I not control my words or at least take them back? "It's so easy for you to say everything is going to be okay when your Mam is with you. So stop faking that you know my pain and leave the subject of my Mam be." Jumper was silent, taking the two cards that we both recently played into her pile, biting her bottom lip. I burst into uncontrollable tears. Jumper suddenly dropped her cards and began hugging me close, stroking my hair like the older sister I never had. "I'm so sorry, Jumper!" I sobbed, embracing her back. "I just miss her so much and I took my anger out on you. You don't deserve that. But, oh, why did she have to go?"