Already Torn // 1d

"when he says goodbye, i say hello"

"Hello. I have absolutely no idea of how you got in here. I hope you're okay. Me? I'm far from being okay. Have you ever had your heart broken? I mean, like if someone had snatch it off, and ripped it off, and left it there? I do. I can assure you, i felt it, that hate upon myself, that disgust of being so weak, this desire of finishing me off. I'm not hiding anything, a teenager's life is a source for problems, for others, for yourself. You're one, isn't it? A teenager. Well, you know what i'm talking about then. The self research, wishing you could be feeling good in your own skin. Find yourself, love yourself. A teenager is cruel. It can shot your life down in two seconds, it can make you doubt yourself and push you off when you're about to fall over. It doesn't even give a shit about breaking your heart, because it doesn't give a shit about anything. You have to be average but original, rebel but not disrespectful. A teenager is a coward, is mean, is hypocritical, superficial. It's vile and so mean. If you're not all of this, you're not accepted. If you're not accepted, you're nobody. Then, when the acceptation comes around, you wear a mask. A mask where you can hide behind because no one likes what's behind it. Because, at the end, nobody likes you the way you are. The way you really are. I have absolutlely no idea how you got in here. I hope you're okay. Me?..."

My voice faded in a whisper. I was done. My fingers were stroking the sheet of paper. The silence was dominating, weighty, awful. I wanted to sit down, i wanted to run away. And nobody was saying a word, everybody was staring at me, my teacher, himself, didn't know what to say either. The question was about teenagers, right? Then why nobody was saying a word? It felt like eternity, when, suddenly, i heard people were clapping, at first shyly but then more and more loudly, to break this silence.

Okay. I wanted them to stop now. I'd rather hear the silence again. A shy smile was appearing on my face.

"Very good, Emma. It was very.."

The bell interrupted what Mr. Jefferson was telling me and the students went out all at the same time.

"Can you stay, please. I have to talk to you."The beginning of my problems. "Even if your text was very touchy, your attitude is not as blameless." My eyes went down. "Emma, i know it's rough for yoy right now. When your mum called us, we were aware of what you were going through and how you were dealing with it. But today, it's not possible. You have to move on." "Oh, yeah? Sir, without any disrespect, you have no idea what i'm going through." "I may have no idea but i can understand it. The loss of someone close is something really frightful, nobody should ever experience that, even more at your age. The fact that you're far from hole can also pushing you of having this attitude. Skipping class in our school, it's serious. You have the benefit of a special treatment but we can still send you right back to France if you cross the lines." "I understand." i said, annoyed.

As i walked past the door, i heard the teacher finishing "Understood and most of all carried out Emma!"

I sighed and went to my locker. English book, literature's manuel, spanish book... "What was that?" "What was what?" "That text!" "It was a text."

The blondhead shut my locker in a sharp crack.

"Carl, i don't want to talk about it. It's Mr. Jefferson that asked me to write an essay about teenager, supposed for me to open uo to others." "Wonderful lesson. You just shut yourself up more than ever." "You still didn't get that it's my second name?" i said, smiling. "I'm not kidding Emma. I thought you were doing okay." "And from where did you get that conclusion?"

Awkward silence. Yeah, after all, Carl hadn't the answers about everything. Me neither by the way. And it's mostly because of this that, without any words pronounced, we entered the spanish class. But he couldn't help but break the silence everytime we didnnt speak for like two minutes. "Do you miss being in France?" "Of course. But i'm good here, London is the most beautiful city in the whole world."

He smiled. Carl was very handsome. Seventeen, blond hair neither long or short and honest eyes. I didn't know any girl who didn't had a crush on him for the last few years. I must admit that the effect was guaranteed for everyone, even me, the most difficult girl ever. Always wearing a leather jacket, he was the unattainable and popular guy, almost cliché, making you feel like shit beside him. I spent my first day at school with him. A memory feeling like it's fading already. But still feeling good, despite our harsh first words.

"Emma, Mr. Jefferson is not totally wrong... Maybe opening up wouldn't be that bad, you know?" "I know. But even talking about it, it..." Here it comes. The tears. "See what it's doing to me when i only think about it.." "Crying feels good!" "No! Crying sucks!" i shouted in the hallway, where everyone starting to stare at us.

I rushed to the girls room. I couldn't skip a class again. But damn, i wanted to. Tears were running one after the other down my burning cheeks, rolling onto my neck when they weren't falling off my jeans. I was sitting down on a toilet, pathetic. I knew that this was what Mr. Jefferson were hoping to happen. I was this weak only when i was opening up.
But, those two things that entered into my life, they were really unreachable. Of course i begged my mum to let me leave France, going far away, clearing my mind. In less than three weeks, i'd got here, in London, in this great school. But, the pain was supposed to stay in France. It was permanently inside me. My cheeks were hollowing and my eyes were empty. People here talk, point at you, tell, repeat... I don't care. I just wanted to heal.

"Emma, get out of here..." "Carl, it's the girls room!" i said after blenching. "I don't care. I want you out."

I closed my eyes. Unlocked the door. Felt two arms holding me, protecting me. We were alone, everyone was into the classrooms. Once again, i was late.

"I'm in trouble because of you, you know?" i sobbed on his shoulder. "If you hadn't want me to talk about it, i would have been in class and everything would be normal." "But it's not normal, Emma." "Carl, you don't understand..." "You're not letting me understand. I don't know anything and it's already been a month since we first talked!" "I was hoping you would get annoyed..." i confessed. "Don't count on me to do that."

His tone was hard and conforting. I was fragile, he was the one i needed. Carl. Carl Piettering.

"It's the last time i'm skipping class for you, got it?" "Got it. Come and sit. Now tell me everything."

And, that's what i did.

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-Hi ! I hope you liked this first chapter and will continue to read my fanfiction! -I know there's no One Direction yet but they're coming in the next chapter!
-Thank you for reading!