Wilted Roses

one

God I was so tired.

So tired of feeling like this. Feeling so worthless and sad. I had hoped that by the end of winter break, my eyes would be free of tears. My mind would be free of hurt. But as I lay in my bed, I was everything I wished I wouldn't be.

Today was the first day back to school since winter break. First day I would see him since the night of the party. The night that had led to all of this.

"Get up," I heard from the threshold of my room, where my brother stood. When I turned to look at him, he had a stupid smirk on his face. "God you look a mess. You haven't gotten over him yet?" He laughed. After throwing a pillow at him, I slammed the door in his face and began to get ready for school.

When I had looked at myself in the mirror, my hair was knotted. My eyes were red, as well as my nose. My lips were chapped and I looked pale. I really did look a mess. I reached for my makeup, attempting to look somewhat normal.

Thankfully, I had managed to do just that. All remains of a brokenhearted teenage girl was gone on the outside. I'm upset I can't say the same for the inside yet.

"How you feeling Li?" My mom asked, drinking her coffee. I knew she was waiting for me to spill all my emotions to her, but that was the last thing I had wanted to do.

That night, I came home early with mascara on my cheeks, and it was obvious to my mom that something had happened. I had simply told her that him and I broke up. Ever since then my mom had been trying to get something out of me, but I didn't cooperate. I was happy she cared, but I felt that talking about it would make it worse. I'm happy to keep my embarrassment to myself.

"I'm fine," I answered. Every time, my answers would be something like this: I'm okay. I'm good. I'm alright.

I was anything but that. I was sad. I was angry. I had wasted 6 months of my life on a stupid boy who cared about no one but himself. Yet I still am allowing him to hurt me so much.

Today would be different. I wouldn't let him turn me into a puddle of tears when I see him in second period. I wouldn't allow him to take my heart and crush it in his hands again. I will hold my head up high, and be strong.

The whole plan went out the window when I walked into the second period classroom. He sat in the back with the girl he cheated on me with, sitting in the seat I used to sit in. She was laughing at his jokes. I used to laugh at his jokes. Now I was the joke. His joke. Maybe they were laughing at me. Laughing at how stupid I was to believe that a guy could want me and love me.

When I made eye contact with them both, they immediately stopped laughing. They both looked down and twiddled their thumbs. He looked back up as I walked to my seat and gave me a smile. Who the hell did he think he was?

As I sat in the new seat, I could sense his stare, and her's too. The feeling of their eyes on my back all too familiar. They had stared at me the same way when I had caught them in their act of infidelity.

"I'll only be with my friends for 10 minutes," Zayn spoke, handing me his empty red solo cup. I gave him a small nod. I admit, it hurt that he seemed so eager to leave me, but I didn't want to be the girlfriend that holds her partner back. It also sucked that my best friend, Alexandra, was already on a Christmas vacation in Mexico, so both of my only companions were gone.

I watched as he walked away, not sparing me another glance. I looked back down at the cup and threw it in the trash, a bit harsher than normal. When I got tipsy, I was a bit more emotional, so my frustration with Zayn seemed to be taking over me a bit. I needed to get away and calm down.