A Moment in the Courthouse of Time

CHAPTER 6: Death of the Time

"Should I...

"What would be the repercussions?

"It would stop all my wretchedness without a doubt but... what if it has perilous implications on my past...

"What if....

"My pain is..."

A spate of questions sauntered in Sadaf's mind as she mulled over suicide after solemnly experiencing The Red Flu pandemic. Sadaf, at long last, was sitting near a lake in the cheerful pre-Red Flu period. She was celebrating her birthday alone by eating buttercream rosettes off a cake with chocolate ganache drizzle on it. It was the last treat to her from herself. Sadaf also realized the grim reality that she was going to turn into a child in coming t... in the yesterday that had to come yet. Sadaf's misfortune was inextricably intertwined with her future. A sheet of sweat trickled down her wheatish chin. All Sadaf had now was her sense and she was going to lose it as well. She was, bit by bit advancing; or as it looked, retreating towards her younger age, without still bringing her head around the ruses of the time. Sadaf was not really left with much time before turning into a toddler. She was terrified by the thoughts of being left alone in her feeble state. Loneliness is what you see on the outside but feel inside. Silent voices were crying in her head which were dragging her to the heart of deliration. Her each emotion was maneuvering her into oblivion. A path was cutting through the bushes of her misery, denoting sorrow and hardships. Sadaf began to take the last few steps of her life. Even the pain bowed down before her strength in civility. Sadaf was whimpering, thinking about the purpose of her life; if she was destined to only suffer throughout her life. Suicide was not obscure to her anymore.

"I still stand so unsure if time is my friend or a foe. Time delicately gifted me with the best moments of my life. I met the love of my life, Faizan. He cared for me like no one else. He was there to protect my daughter and me from all the evil. He actually made me feel that he was my home. I still remember the first time we kissed, as the sunset echoed the happiness of togetherness. A tiny fraction of time at that moment completely changed my life. That gift box of assorted chocolates he gave me on my 23rd birthday is still sitting in the lower drawer of our side-table. Only if I could take anything with me to remember you, your love and your care for me. At least that red ribbon you gifted me before I went into labor, or—or—or the first letter you penned down, which had your musky fragrance on it. It might be etched in my heart but I, despite everything, couldn't imagine anything better than feeling the crisp of that paper against my cheek.

And my little girl..." tears returned pooling on Sadaf's sunken cheeks as she recalled about the time when everything was unrivalled. Her family was there playing happily in their porch. Sadaf sat at the exact same place where she kissed Faizan for the first time. She looked at the blinding yet calm sun setting once again, along with its parched heat, but leaving Sadaf alone this time.

"My baby's tiny steps made my heart pound with sheer joy. When the first time her little fingers... her little fingers curled around mine, the time stopped for me in that moment. As Faizan used to call them, still moments, which are passing each second for an uncertain time. I remember the first time she held up a brush and ended up painting her nose and clothes with the shades of purple. That smile, your Spelling Quiz '89 trophy brought to your lips, is still the best smile I have ever seen. Your giggles hiding beneath your sweetness was like—like watching a flower springing. The love I treasure for you could be seen through your skittish wide eyes, when you carelessly ran in our porch with your feathery arms fully open, like a bird in an open sky. I wish I could give you your favorite candy once again. I just want to sit down with you for one last time, on our peaceful and wiggly couch with our rolling cushions in our laps, sipping our too sugary chai and talking about the dreams you saw for yourself.

"I think it is my happy memories that sustain me. My happy time was no stranger to me. I can see them now, as if I were back in that time, in those early days of the renaissance.

"Only if I could do it again...," Sadaf put the gun to her crown. Her shivering fingers fondled the trigger. Her tears met her last smile. She, at last, understood the bits of her time quest... except unfolding the actual reason. Her fear of losing it all again tightened her grasp around the gun. Sadaf looked into the setting sun and smiled in oblivion, with her last moments pushed against her head. The last words heard that evening were, "I am a hero. I am a mother of ageless love and it compels... me to bring warmth in these unsettling times. A mother of all times". Sadaf woke up to the obscurity of time.

***

It was a celebration of happiness. The profound breaths romanced the breeze with exuberance as time once again caressed the cheeks of Sadaf. The gust by each flap of birds set the array of reverence amid the sparkling darkness of soothed yet bold sky of 1980. The sun adorned the moments of glow seethed in this empty horizon, and blurred into the silence of the fire-hearth moment.

"For so long, you have made me feel a certain way. I smile because of you. I cry with you. I bloom like a lily. My happiness is blanketed with your affection," her head with sleepy eyes were resting on the shoulder of Faizan, as their fingers clasped and interlocked, sealing the love of kismet. "I still do not believe from where you come in life. Especially, in a time where I lost all hopes."

"Maybe I am not from this time," Faizan smiles as Sadaf playfully hits Faizan in his tum, with trees hovering over their heads. Their lips ignited a moment of realness as the sun set down sealing their still yet passing moments, "Not again", Sadaf groaned.

THE END