5 days with Austin Post

Whiskey bent and hellbound

I have never felt like I fit in in my life. My parents were an odd mix, my mum a very sensitive anxious person and my dad a hippie. He taught me to play guitar and piano, and we would occasionally smoke weed secretly in the attic, listening to Joni Mitchell singing Woodstock on a crackly vinyl playing. We moved around loads when I was a kid. I had no friends but music. I was picked on at every school I went to, I was the weird new kid only interested in music. They would pick on me for being very skinny, and for my large eyes and clown lips they said made me look like a scary doll. I started to get more and more angry. That's when the rage started in me. I got mouthy My brother taught me to fight as a kid. I knew being hit wouldn't hurt in the moment but I was small and would be taken out, I wanted to proof I was tough despite being so small. so I would always throw hands first. Then deal with my over anxious mum and worry about disappointing and worrying her. But it was ok.

Then, I got to college (high school to you US folk I guess) By this time puberty hit, I was just as skinny but now with a pair of breasts, and suddenly the things I was picked on like my eyes and lips were suddenly attractive and this female guitarist was interesting and not weird to them. I found it very hard adjusting to this after years of bullying. I didn't want to open up to anyone, I was afraid. I didn't want to let them in, and I felt their praise was fake. I hater people suddenly hitting on me, it all felt so shallow.

But then things started to get a little out of control. I found a community of friends. I became the class clown of the college. I was friends with everyone, I was a good friend who'd throw hands for you, but very hard to get to emotionally. I tattooed myself up fully and had fully sleeves as a teenager. I guess I wanted to destroy and hide this body people suddenly liked. But I found friends in music, I was respected for the first time for my talent and skill. I have never ever wanted to be famous, I just love playing music, and I loved being able to jam with others. I starting taking drugs and partying. But I was pretty damn happy.

Then, my parents died. It was sudden and I won't say too much because I don't want to be identified. I didn't know how to deal with it and had never let anyone close enough to share. It was then I went on a nihilistic war path of pure self destruction. I sold the house and dropped out, I partied, I did crazy things with crazy people. Then, I decided to uproot my life and join my brother out in America.

It was there that I would end up connecting by chance with someone properly for the first time in years. And he happened to go on to become the international superstar, Post Malone.