Mark DeLancey

Chapter 15

Later that night, there was a knock at the back door. Mark's knock. He had made up a knock so I would know it was him. And he usually went to the back.

I let him in.

"I'm really sorry if I...stuffed things." He said after standing inside for a while.

"You didn't."

He stared at me. "I think I get what you were trying to say."

"You do?"

He nodded. "I think so. And I think I feel that too or get it to a degree, maybe. You're scared that hole inside you will never have enough to fill it. That you'll...want...too much from me? I feel that. But I know I've got a lot to give, and I'd never expect you to...make me whole."

"No. I don't want that either. I'm scared I'll love on you so much. That's the problem. Too much. It'll be too much and I'll push you away."

"Don't you get it? I'd like that. I want that. And I can love on you too. Finally. Without...restrictions."

We stared at each other. Were we on the same page? He took a step towards me.

"If this ever gets weird, or it's too much, or not enough, or anything, tell me. Just say okay? Don't ever feel like you can't tell me. I'll try to understand."

"Okay. You too?"

"Okay."

"Okay." I breathed out.

He stood in front of me, near enough that I could feel the heat from his body and hear his heartbeat. He brushed the hair from my face and trailed his fingers down my neck and over my shoulder. Goosebumps rose on my skin where his fingers had been and I shivered.

He kept his eyes steady on mine, his fingers continuing their movement down my arm then slowly over my hip and back up my stomach.

"Just say, if there's anything..." he whispered.

"I will." I whispered back, as his fingers trailed over my breast. His thumb rubbed my nipple softly, and it immediately responded through my t-shirt. I wanted to simultaneously melt into a puddle on the floor and jump on Mark, my legs wrapped around him.

Instead, I exhaled in a sigh and his mouth dropped to mine, his hand wrapping around my breast. His other hand pulled me to him.

I can safely say that my first time with a man was far and away better than I ever expected it to be. No, I'm not going to write it all here but I've gone over it in my mind a thousand times. Mark was above and beyond my teenage fantasies. I have no one to compare him to but as a lover, I couldn't have been more satisfied.

That night was only the beginning.

It was, as I thought it would be. I was hungry. Starving. And sometimes I would, well, let's say ravage his body. Is that too forward? Well, I would. And he would let me. His passion and desire would match mine. I think he was starving too. We were so good together.

Those weeks were filled with lovemaking. We barely left my house when I wasn't working. He pretended to his mother that he had left town, because that's what she wanted him to do. Instead, he hid his bike in my shed and stayed with me.

Those days. When I look back they are like a pleasant, sun-filled, love soaked dream. I was able to finally give the love and affection I knew I was capable of and in turn I opened my entire being to the love and affection I never believed I deserved. And I think he did the same.

We held nothing back. We gave it our all, and it was...transcendent. Truly.

I never wanted those days to end.

But they end. Don't they? They always do.