July 1. 3 AM.
Bigla akong nagising sa hindi malamang dahilan. Knowing my sleeping habits, alam kong hindi ko na mapipilit pa ang sariling bumalik sa pagtulog.
In order to kill time, I just decided to browse Facebook. Maybe then, I'd be able to feel drowsy again.
As I scrolled down my news feed, isang post ang nagpagimbal sa akin.
'You will be greatly missed, Gabriel Castillo. Fly high, our angel.'
Ano 'to?!
Kinabahan ako bigla nang makita ang iilan pang posts na nagsasabing pumanaw na ang mang-aawit na si Gabriel.
Hindi ako makapaniwala.
I searched all over the internet to confirm na legit 'yong news and heck, it was all over the news!
I became speechless. Gabriel, one of my favorite singers...di--no, he committed suicide. The article stated it was because of depression.
Hindi pa 'rin ako makapaniwala.
The person whom I admired for many years because of his motivational songs, the person who greatly inspired me to strive every day and not to surrender...is already gone.
And the reason was despair.
Napaiyak ako. Oo, I'm just a fan. I don't know him personally and might never will pero masakit talaga. 'Yung taong tinitingala mo ng ilang taon, 'yung taong nagbibigay sa'yo ng lakas ng loob sa pamamagitan ng mga awitin niya, 'yung taong nais mong makita balang araw...ngayon ay wala na.
The pain was like losing a friend. A dear one.
I held onto the necklace around my neck. It's a customized necklace. Pinalagay ko dito ang sarili kong gawang kanta for these kind of situations. Pinapakinggan ko ito sa tuwing malungkot ako to somehow provide me a sense of comfort.
This was originally for my cousin who also died for the same reason. But I was too late, she already took her own life before I could give this to her.
Nang dahil sa kakaiyak ko, dinalaw ako ng antok muli.
I woke up in a very familiar scenario--no, hindi pala ako nagising. This is a dream.
A bittersweet memory of the past.
It was the day Gabriel auditioned to officially become a part of the music industry. Nandoon ako sa venue kasi sinamahan ko 'rin ang isa kong kaibigan for the same purpose. Hindi ko pa siya kilala noon during that time.
But now? I can already recognize him.
Naalala kong nananaginip lamang ako ngayon. He's already gone in reality. Ngunit anong mawawala kung kakausapin ko siya dito?
Even if it's only a dream, I want to encourage him. Kahit dito man lang, maiparamdam ko sa kaniya na kahit anong mangyari, I will always be his number one fan.
"Hi Gabriel."
Napalingon siya sa kinatatayuan ko.
"H-how did you know my name, Miss?"
I smiled. "I'm a fan of yours."
Naguluhan yata siya.
Nevertheless, I spoke what I wanted to say. "Pursue your dreams kahit anong mangyari ha? Huwag kang magpapatalo sa mga problema. Alam kong kayang-kaya mong lagpasan ang lahat ng mga 'yon!" I removed the necklace from my neck and handed it to him. Naguguluhan niya naman itong tinanggap.
