Second chance a new choice

Downwards spiral

Severus stood on the shore of Hogwarts' great lake, mindlessly throwing stones into the slushy water. Each rock plopped in and sank into the cold, murky depths. Chunks of broken ice waffled and bucked, then stilled. This first week of January still didn't deliver snow. Overhead, clouds hung gray and depressed.

He hurled another stone, with twice the force of the last. It plunked into the thick slush and instigated a ragged ripple that fluttered several feet from the stone's landing spot. Half a dozen more rocks plinked and splooshed with increasing intensity until Severus roared, frustrated and angry at the scene that wouldn't stop looping through his mind.

"Sev!" Lily ran to him from the other end of the Great Hall.

He straightened and shot her a sullen glare. "Miss Evans," he hissed.

She pulled up short in bewilderment. "Sev? Still on about this? Honestly, I don't know what you think to accomplish behaving this way."

"I couldn't care less what you think, Miss Evans."

Lily took a step back.

"However," he continued, "I am inclined to inform you Augustus Prince was kind enough to escort your family out of the country." Severus gritted his teeth. "Under the assumption that they are his future relatives."

Lily paled, but once she figured out what he meant she looked relieved, even thankful and she smiled. "So, you're getting over yourself?"

"I don't know what you're talking about, Miss Evans." He crossed his arms. "But if you value your family's safety, I suggest you continue to let Prince believe that." Severus held out one arm. A crow-sized owl lighted on it. "This is Mona. She'll be the only safe way of contacting Prince and your family. You may use her as you wish."

"Uh... thanks..." Lily took two cautious steps closer. "Sev...?" She reached for him.

He pushed her hand away before she touched him. The jolt startled Mona, and she fluttered off his arm. "Miss Evans, restrain yourself!" he growled and towered over Lily. "And kindly leave me alone!"

Lily stumbled backward, shocked, unbelieving, hurt.

Severus took the opportunity to escape to the Slytherin table, though now he had no appetite left.

The chilled lake beckoned Severus to throw just one more stone. He hefted another smooth rock, cocked his wrist, but didn't throw. Instead he relaxed his grip, held the stone in one palm, and ran a finger over the polished surface.

I never missed that look of hurt on your face, Lily... or Potter's obvious annoyance at me on the occasions our paths crossed. He dropped the stone. It sank into the wintery muck at his feet. I must do this—must snarl and yell. Otherwise you'll never stay away. Severus growled and swiped an empty hand at the lake. Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! I'm the stupidest man on earth! I was blind, foolish, selfish! Lily and I were wrong for each other from the start. She mustn't be tainted by my darkness. I'm nearly forty, for Merlin's sake! What kind of dirty old man leads on a teenage girl? Even though she knew the truth, it was still wrong. So, so wrong. I let my emotions sweep me away—I even kissed her! He shook his head and ground his teeth so hard his jaw ached, but he didn't care. I'm a murderer—a dark shadow that must never sully her with its presence.

"If you want 'em to skip, you should flick your wrist."

Severus groaned as Remus approached. He looks just as sour and grumpy as I feel.