Law of Dreams

9

The window seat was empty from early December. I waited for him to call but he didn't.

We'd spent the night together before he left. The memories of our bodies and his hands and the hair falling into his face, wet at the roots—I wished I could reach into my mind and pluck them all out like weeds.

I felt numb when he left—like there was nothing to feel anymore but his absence.

Belle told me to call her when I thought of him. I didn't tell her that if I was to do that I'd never hang up.

I tried not to think of him. Mike gave me a free pass to his and Belle's gym and I went every second day. I started reading again too. Still, I didn't hear from him. I realised that the numbness wasn't so much from his absence, as it was from the pinch of waking.

Months later, Belle started dating this guy she met online. He still had a close-knit collection of friends from school that eventually became our friends. We would spend Sunday nights all together in a big group—Mike, Belle, Norman, who was Belle's boyfriend, Daniel, Kate and Teresa. They knew other bars other than the one Belle and Mike and I used to frequent. Then we started a tradition of house hopping; the host was designated a country and would cook a meal that had originated from there.

I was given Morocco and made couscous. Kate dropped the pot and couscous tumbled everywhere like a sandstorm. Daniel ate it off the tiles and we all laughed so hard there was hardly a breath left in the room.

Less and less I thought of Lawson.