I Dare You To Love Me

Chapter 3 - Mixed emotions

I stare blankly in the sky filled with stars blinking at me, I wonder if one of it is a planet but I can’t determine which because I’m not a fan of science. I’d rather do math and logic than to know which part is which. Then someone wave his hand before my face pulling me out of my thoughts about stars and science and math. I nearly forgot that I’m with the man of steel but not superman. Oh boy, he got muscles and abs and everything is so hard as steel, literally!

“… Hello, earth to Elle!” The man of steel but not superman said.

“I heard you, okay?” I crossed my arms in my chest. I know I’m thinking about stars and it may look like I’m not paying attention to what he was saying but, just so he know, I can multi-task. He was talking about Shay and I’m not interested.

Jealous much, aren’t you? And now my subconscious is crossing her arms, too, mocking me. No, I’m not jealous or just maybe a little jealous. You can’t blame me though, every girl will if they hear their loved ones narrating how they had fun with someone else.

“Whoa! What’s with the sudden mood swing?”

“Nothing… I’m just wondering about… stars… Oh and why are you here?” Ha! There I asked it.

“I told you already,” he said with a shrug.

“I haven’t asked you yet until now. How can you tell you already did?” I don’t think he said something as to why he’s here.

When I came to the waiting area of the building where I live, he bear hugged me the moment he saw me and complimented my outfit. I’m wearing the red cardigan with snowflakes, white t-shirt, black skinny jeans, and black boots. He said that it’s very appropriate for the cold weather and I understand now why he asked me not to wear dress. It’s because he brought me up here in the middle of I-don’t-know-where but it’s really beautiful. It’s a view deck where you can see most parts of Baguio City below and millions of stars above. I can describe it as romantic but not when he’s talking about his ‘girlfriend’. They got into a fight because Shay got drunk and she doesn’t want to go to their house and she wants to stay in Ryan’s place. Of course he didn’t agree with her, thank heavens! Instead, he leave her alone with her friends which is the most confusing part of Ryan’s story because after he leaves her he went straight to me. What the hell am I supposed to do with their drama? Duh! But I have to act as his friend so I have to be nice and bury my jealousy ten thousand feet below the ground where no one can smell it.

He choose his silence so I blurt out what I was thinking, “It’s because you and your girlfriend had a fight,” I said it in a matter of fact statement but he raises his eyebrow and crosses his arms on his chest, too. Oh, so now everyone’s mocking me! I raised my eyebrow, too.

“I never said that!” He almost shouts.

“It’s you who drove a hundred and twenty nine miles away from your girlfriend then call me in the middle of the night to come see you then here you are shouting at me, well at least almost shouting at me, you tell me why the hell are you here!” I quote and quote the word girlfriend when I said it.

I am filled with anger that I can no longer contain, so there it goes. I hate the fact that he came here to talk about his ‘girlfriend’ while he knows what I am feeling for him. Well, technically, I haven’t told him but I think he already knew based on our last phone call when I was about to tell him I love him but he cut me off and told me not to say it at that moment.

We stare at each other for I-don’t-know-exactly-how-long. No talking and just staring at each other’s eyes but it feels like he’s saying something to me through his eyes. Anger. Happiness. Tired? I don’t know but I can tell that my eyes say ‘I am furious as hell’ so you better tell me why you’re here!

Then finally he closed his eyes, hold his head by both hands, then seat beside me on the hood of the car. He looks troubled and I felt a pang of guilt knowing that it’s me who pushed him too far. He crossed his arms again on his chest but he doesn’t look at me. I scoot towards him and rest my head on his shoulder.

“I’m sorry,” I said but he didn’t move an inch or anything so I lift my head off his shoulders and continue, “I’m sorry I pushed you too hard. I know you’re tired and worn out. Let’s head back to the town and get you in a hotel so you can rest. I can take a cab from there to my place.” He place one arm around my shoulders and pulls me towards him, squeezing me.

“I came here because I god damn missed you so much and I already break up with Shay last week,” He said. And oh my golly, I don’t know what to say or do. It’s overwhelming and confusing at the same time. Where is my subconscious when I needed her? I bet she’s also stunned like me.

"Speechless, aren't we?" He said after minutes of my silence.

"Why didn't you told me before?!" Oops! That came out wrong, it sounded like I'm mad but I'm not mad, just shocked. And somewhat overwhelmed by the fact that he's single and available.

Scratch the available! We both know that there's a three month rule and if you screw that up, well... You're screwed! I know it damn well no need to remind me, I meant the available in the near future.

"You never asked," he said.

"Of course, I will never ask if you two are still together or not. I'm not that interested!" I said almost shouting, this time I really meant to shout it.

"But you're interested to me," He said with a smug.

"I never said that," There, tastes your own medicine! I hate that smug. Oh really? No, I don't I love it but not this time.

"Okay, let's continue this talk in the car. I'm freezing," He released me then walks me to the passenger's seat of the car. I obliged not because I fear him but because it's really cold outside.

We drive back to town without a word except for me giving him directions because it's his first time going here in the summer capital of the Philippines.

“So… You’re not talking to me now?” He asked.

“I am talking to you, am I not?” I quickly answered.

Why are you so pissed? Shouldn’t you be jumping up and down for joy? I took a deep breath and sighed heavily. I’m not mad. It’s just that I’m doing my very best avoiding him and I always bury my feelings for him because I thought it’s not right. I know I should be happy but I’m not. My guilt is eating me alive. At this moment that we’re together, there’s a girl crying her eyes out to her friends. She’s hurting because of me. It feels like I’ve stolen her favorite Barbie doll. I feel so bad but I know that I shouldn’t take this all out to Ryan. I am part of this, too.

“I’m sorry. Look, this isn’t right,” I said it without looking to his direction.

“What?! What isn’t right? Everything’s fine. What are you talking about?”

“Turn left here then go straight, you’ll see the Country Club soon,” I gave him direction to where his brother told him to stay.

Country Club is a hotel exclusive for its members only. I’m not surprised that his brother is a member, they got the numbers. Though I don’t know why Ryan has never been here before. After two minutes, we reached the Country Club.

“There it is,” I point to its sign but he drive the car passed it then take a U-turn.

“What are you doing?”

“Let’s get you home first before I check-in into that hotel,” He said, “I don’t want you taking a cab. I have to know you arrive safely back home.”

Oh my, he does care for me and this melts my heart. I want to forget the world and be it just me and him. We can live happily ever after… But the world is not just about me and him.

“Thank you,” I smiled a little bit.

How I wish that we are alone in this world.

PS: He walked me to my door then he head back to Country Club. He also told me that whatever I’m thinking, I need to sleep through it and that I should not overthink things. He kissed my forehead then we bid our good byes.