Bygones! A MishBir Story

Chapter 8: What's The Point?

He took her diary and sat comfortably on the table. He opened it and started reading.

"Is my life a broken radio?

Is it my destiny?

A funny dream?

Every single time the same thing happens! Every single time I try to be happy about my present, my past shows up out of nowhere. It's as if I am just not destined to be happy. It feels as if my destiny is constantly trying to remind me that I will have to fight for every ounce of happiness. That even if I am tired, I will have to keep going. Society never lets me forget about my past. And when I am trying my best to ignore them, somehow people related to that past of mine show up. First it was my dad. And now my mom. I had always questioned badi ma regarding my father. His return. His love. But I never questioned her about my grandma or my mother. Because I had heard them say that they couldn't take care of me. I heard my mother say she wanted to go far away from me and start a new life. So I never expected her to return even though there was a part of me which thought she might. I know I didn't have the easiest of relationships with my mother, but I think we did still love each other. Her looking after me was different than what I had normally seen but she did. She was an ignorant mother for some time, but the moment she felt I was going away from her and getting closer to taiji, she started feeling pretty jealous and territorial about me. She started caring for me more. She looked after me even more. Especially after papa left. She was so much more attentive towards me. If I can vaguely recall, I think I might have had the best time with her after papa left. As I was oblivious to the truth, she managed to keep it that way for me along with the family. She spent most of her time with me instead of being interested in her social circle and her career. We used to go to Nani's house together. Every celebration in the house was fun. She used to always help me get ready. She always wanted me to look my best. I was mischievous and maybe not an easy child. And she was finally seeing me as her perfect child. Of course she was making some rash decisions regarding me but the family didn't let her.

But overall it was really good. I really felt that the distance between us was decreasing and my bond with her was getting stronger. But then suddenly she started becoming distant. I wasn't sure why. She started losing more on me. She started getting angry at me. And one day, she just left. Without even talking to me. Without even glancing towards me. She just left. And dadi gave me away to Maheshwari's. I was so confused and angry with both the events that I was just holding so much hate and anger against them. I never wanted to look at them again. I never wanted to talk to them again. I didn't want to beg for them to come back, though I was ready to beg for my dad to come because I had no idea of this truth. I thought once he would come back, I would complain to him and he would scold them. But nothing like that happened. I was left behind. FOREVER.

Forever. It took a lot of time for me to digest this piece of information. I had managed to close that chapter of my life, with a lot of effort and pain. Now she is back and she finally called me a mistake. Whatever didn't make sense about her leaving me then, now made sense. And what does a person do when they make a mistake? They try to correct it or move on from it as if it never really happened. I was the latter for her. She had moved on from me. But now she was here too. I am sure it wasn't her choice. Her aura and her reaction towards me said it all. It was clear that she wanted to stay away from me. I had no expectations of her return too. Then why was she suddenly back in my life? Why? And she isn't the only one? She has her husband for whom she probably left me. And has another daughter. And her name! Mishri!! She called me a mistake and named her another daughter Mishri. She is my sister... MY sister...I met her today. She seemed nice. Eager to know me. Eager to make me her family. Eager to make me her sister and to be acknowledged as my sister.