Dare Me

Cassian's Pov

Every war is always the same. So is its aftermath. Usually. Except I don't usually have a lover than decides we are no longer worth it afterword. Some one who disappears on me. After laying down their life to protect mine no doubt. Truly surreal. Nesta. She's not the same woman I fell in love with, or did we even fall in love? Everything happened so fast, but she's acting like an Illyirians, all unapproachable, icy, brittle, sarcastic, and ready to get drunk everywhere without me. Or where I wouldn't go. And have no qualms about getting drunk almost everywhere. So I've let her stake out her territory, watch her take to people, people, is that the right word? People who could easily take advantage. She seems fine though, so I guess she's not in any deep trouble. I guess its best we're apart now, not hopelessly in love, not desperate. I snorted just know. Desperate. YEAH. We're both hella desperate. Almost more than during the war. How is it possible that war is easy but living after it is hard? It's not usually this hard. I blame Nesta. I drain my glass of wine and step over Rhys and Feyre tangled up in each other, drunk and half-asleep against the couch on the floor. I should probably cover them with a throw or something. I feel sick, maybe I might throw up soon, drunk on an empty stomach. I decide to take a walk outside. My thoughts invariably wander to Nesta, angry, hurt, disappointment turning every memory of us into pain, moisture lining my eyes. I give my head a shake  as I fly up higher up to the rooftops. I let myself fall down, just flaring my wings and catching myself slightly before I crashed into the sidewalk. I nod at the nearly empty streets and let myself wander. I haven't done this in ages, just let myself go where ever my body wants. I follow my own path aimlessly. I so I'm pretty shocked yeah, when I end up in the dimmest part of the city, with street lamps blown out, glass purposefully shattered  no matter how many replacements Rhys orders in each week. I felt reckless and I knew my power. I let myself continue walking. I found myself outside a place that spelled "Down on Your Luck" into "Don our Yuck". Seemed like a place with character. I walked past it. Then I circled back, walking into the  the dingy bar, possibly the most well lit one on the Southside. It reeked of old sweat and alcohol. The floor felt sticky underneath my boots. I don't know how I really ended up going in. I guess I was too drunk myself. I usually tended to avoid Nesta's haunts, no need to torture myself overly much thankyou. I saw Nesta's slim form leaning forward, arms braced on the counter. "A bowl of stew and an ice cold beer", I heard her call to the bar tender. I didn't miss the leering stars of a few of the  patrons.Hell, I had be careful not to stare. She didn't look like the living dead Rhys described. She looked way over-dressed though,in her burgundy backless dress with her hair down. I never realized it then, but this was my first time seeing her hair down...... long silky tresses which perfumed the air around her. What was she doing dressed to go to beach wedding in this seedy, cold, hole to nowhere. But I caught her scent, different from whenever I bumped into her at Feyre's. Almond and vanilla spice.......and no.... she hadn't slept with another male in weeks. There was no stench tainting hers save that of the bar. So what was she doing here again? Hold up, what was I doing again? I slid up next to her. "same" I nodded to the bar-tender. He smirked. "Whatever you want Commander", he said holding up his hands. I felt heads turn towards us, saw Nesta stiffen and relax. Turning to me, white teeth glinting  as she gave me a predatory  smile, she asked, "What do I owe you the pleasure of seeing you here?" 

Nesta. Nesta being civil, or at least not overtly hostile, I was caught off gaurd. I din't like her tone. She ran her manicured red nail around the rim of her glass. She let out a laugh, "Not like that", she patted my shoulder affection... affectionately? She looked around the bar, nodding to a man in the corner. "So how you doing?" I asked, trying to ignore my discomfort. Start conversation. "Fine."I nodded. she looked down into her stew, taking a spoonful and releasing it back. "Better than you at any rate?" she said looking back up to me. "Me?" I asked confused. 

"Yeah, I got here earlier than you didn't I? " she responded.  I didn't know what to say to that. I went back to eating. We sat eating in the silence for a bit. " So what brings you here?" she asked.