"Damn, life is boring", I sighed as I scrolled on my phone. I've never really been that much of a romance person, to be honest. It's not that I don't want a boyfriend or anything, I just genuinely don't know how to fucking act in romantic situations. I do wish my life was a bit more spicy, though. Nowadays, most of my days just consist of school, home, phone, sleep. It's just so boring and sad. I leaned back slightly in my chair and just sat there, staring at the bland, white walls. Everything felt bland. My life was just the same routine over and over, and, damn, the emptiness I felt. At that point, I was so touch-starved, that I would probably fucking moan and lean into it even if anyone hit me. And thus, my day was spent, staring at said wall.
It was night-time. Maybe around 1am to be exact. I had left my phone downstairs to charge, and now found myself stuck in my bathtub. The song "Close to you" was playing on repeat on my iPad, and I was unable to move.
"Just like me.. They long to be.. Close to youu~", I found myself softly whispering.
The bland white wall, was now super interesting; to the point where I couldn't look away, even if I wanted to. But through my eyes, it wasn't even a white wall. I wasn't even focusing on anything. My eyes were open, but in reality, they were not. I was just staring blankly into the space as the nightly hours passed.
My mind, was just taking over my entire being; drowning all my senses. I could no longer see, hear nor feel. I say I didn't feel, but I felt a deep emptiness that night. It felt like ocean waves were hitting against my throat, hoping for me to give in. Yet, I just couldn't.
What if I was faking it? I mean, it must've been for attention.. Right?
And thus, I kept lying there. Not moving a single muscle as the words of the song kept repeating itself, worsening my condition every second. I just couldn't move. I just couldn't find a reason to move. No one would care anyways. No one would even fucking notice that I spend my nights like this. There's just no fucking point. And the self hate. I swear, every negative emotion gets multiplied by at least a hundred as soon as the time passes twelve.
I felt like shit, yet not a single tear was shed that night.
