~Just Not-so Simple Life~ (BBxOC)(JazzxOC) On Hold!

Chappie 16: Envy

A/n: This is Dani! ^_^ I just want to apologize for the long abscene of my couz. She's quite problematic right now. So here I am! ^_^

Disclaimer: We don't own Hasbro thus not owning transformers. And vice versa. :)

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Dani's POV

I was just sitting inside jazz quietly. Re-thinking everything that happened. Everything was just going too fast. Yes, Alex accepted it and told me that it was destiny and all that. But I just want to know why? Why us? Why me? I'm just so confused with my emotions right now. One moment I was loving it and the next I was regretting it. Everything's just backfiring. Its not safe. For me, for alex or for anyone. I didn't want to be part of this. And yet a part of me does. I hate this. This thing is emitting an obvious label. Dangerous. I internally shuddered at that. I never liked danger or any of that. I just prefer to be cozy and safe. I-

I was interrupted out of my thoughts when Jazz suddenly spoke, 'yah 'lright lil' lady? Yah seem tense?' He asked worriedly. No i'm not fine. "Yeah. Im fine. Just a little shaken up." I replied. 'C'mon lil' lady. A know das' not it. Yah can tel' meh.' He said reassuringly. I sighed and glared at his radio.

"Fine! You wanna know what's wrong? Everything! I didn't want to be here. I didn't want to be involved in a crazy war or whatever you're fighting. I just wanted to be normal! Like everyone. But I guess that's not gonna happen. I just want things the way they were..." I snapped then trailed off. I knew it wasn't his fault or anyone's to be exact. But I just don't know anymore.

'Yah can stil' leave if yah want. No one's stapping yah. A understand. 'm sorry far draggin' yah inta dis.' He said calmy but I detected the hint of sadness in his voice. A sharp pang of guilt hit me.

"No. This isn't your fault, jazz. None of it. I'm sorry I'm just really stressed out right now." I apologized. Now I was just having a major headache. Gee how nice.

''s fine lil' lady. Bu' if yah wanna leave we coul' jus' turn aroun' N go back to yar house.' He said.

"No. I-i'm fine. I'm no-not leaving," I stuttered my voice cracking a little. I can't leave now. Not when it already started. "I can't leave Alex or Sam or Mika or you. Not now." 'or yet' I thought. "I'll be fine. I'm gonna stay." I declared. Maybe Alex's right. Maybe I should just play along and wait until everything fixes itself.

'Dats great news lil' lady. Jus' tel' meh when yah can' take it 'nymore.' He said happily. "Okay. But Jazz I wanna ask you a favor?" I asked uncertainly. 'Sure. Wha' is it?' He asked. "Can you try to keep me as far away as possible from...whatever this is. I don't want to get hurt." I said the last part in a whisper. 'Of cours'. 'll try mah best. N plis don't worry 'bout gettin hurt. 'll do everythin' to keep yah safe. Promise.' He said sternly yet reassuringly. I visibly relaxed. "Thanks Jazz. Glad I cleared things out of my head for a while." I said with a smile, patting his seat. I felt the seatbelt tighten around me and I felt that fluttering feeling inside my heart, like before. I'll be trying to cope. I tried to push everything aside. My priorities. My fears. Everything. But I knew I couldn't.

There was still the doubt. And fear. I had always been the weak one. I didn't try to risk anything. Didn't want to try things. Some call me hard, kill-joy and cold for it. but they don't understand. Its a part of me. I'm afraid. Of pain. Of losing. Of getting into something I can't get out of. Of trying something new. I'm not like Alex. I can't accept everything with open arms. I can't do anything risky. I can't always stay positive. But most of all I lack her confidence. To do what she want. To try and try and try. To dive head first into something uncertain. And sometimes I envy my sister for what she has. For being so care-free. Not caring about the consiquences of her actions. For not regretting everything she does. For not caring if she broke any rule. I wish I could be the same as her. But no. I know I can't. I can't change who I am. I don't know how. I envy her.

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A/n: Okay that was short I know. Sorry about that. I'll try to make the next chappie longer if Maki allows me. :) And yes it is a lit- okay maybe a lot angsty. But that just came out of nowhere. So yeah. ^_^

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~Dani-bot, out!~