Anxiety ~ One Shot [S.M] English Version

Anxiety

2:30 a.m

Hello my name is Shawn Mendes I am 21 years old and I am a singer and songwriter from Canada, I suffered bullying when I was younger for doing what I liked, singing, I posted covers on a social network called Vine, which does not exist anymore, and, this is how I was discovered, begging famous has a good side, but it also brought me several problems, among them depression, anxiety and insecurity.

Now I’m sitting in some corner of my empty and lonely apartment, I wasn’t well, I was tired physically and psychologically, all I wanted to do was sleep so I went to my bed, after turning this way and that, no sleep comes, so I had the brilliant idea of ​​looking at my social networks, I started on instagram, my friends had posted some pictures with me, I could see that it was not okay, it seemed a little tired , as there was nothing very interesting on instagram I decided to give it a look on Twitter, which is a mistake I always make, I started reading comments about myself, they were hateful comments, saying that I was only famous because I'm white and privileged, that I was not talented, but that was not true, I am where I am on my own merits, at the age of 13 when I started playing the guitar my fingers were bleeding, I was crying, but I didn't give up, these comments were lies and my fans know that, but, I have to admit, I was getting nervous, I started to sweat f River.

I went down to see the answers to the comment, many agreeing and that's when I started to bite my nails, a horrible habit that I try to stop but whenever I get anxious I go back to biting, I go down a little more and I see my fans defending me and that leaves me happy, they know the truth, they besides my parents, they are everything to me , it is for them that I keep performing and giving my best every day, it is for them that I keep writing songs, I love them and I make a point of show them this, that is why in every country I go to, I make a point of attending to everyone who appears, even if I am not having a very good day, a hug and a photo can improve their day and that is what it matters, I keep looking at Twitter (mental note: I have to stop this mania of reading tweets), more people saying what they love me and how important I am to them, yes I love receiving messages like this, I go down the page a little and I come across a super offensive thread about me, with informations that are false, or at least I thought they were, and that's when my breath started to accelerate, my lungs burned. Some comments calling me gay, what is the problem with these people? I already denied this on my snapchat a few years ago, but these comments still continue. I don’t understand these people, some took my tweets from when I was a teenager, racist comments, which I’ve apologized for a thousand times but whenever they can bring them up,

And I wonder what do I do wrong? I always make donations to charities, I am kind to everyone, I use my voice to talk about important matters that deserve attention, what did I do wrong for people to hate me?

Okay, the first crying came, I don't know if I can bear it, I think about calling someone but soon I give up, I don't want to disturb anyone with my problems, I'm lying on the bathroom floor, feeling nothing , I'm overwhelmed and insecure, I hate this, if i could take something to easy my mind slowly, but no medicine is strong enough, my body is all tingling, it's like i'm crawling on my skin, looking at my phone again, feeling anxious, i'm trying to find one way to calm down, but I can't breathe. Sometimes I feel like giving up, but I can't, it isn't in my blood.

4:30 a.m

I feel calmer now, the day is almost dawning, I stopped shaking, my lungs burn less, I can breathe a little better, anguish still takes over my chest, but my heartbeat is already normal, or at least I'm not tachycardic, after cry several times, a headache appears but I am recovering myself, I am no longer sweating cold, apparently I think that I survived one more night.

Living with anxiety is like being followed by a voice, it knows all your insecurities and uses them against you. It gets to the point when it's the loudest voice in the room, and, the only one you can hear.

{Author's notes: Well, this is my first fanfic, and I don't have much talent for that, but during the quarantine I'm trying to do some new things, that's it, take care of your mental and physical health, and stay at home ❤️}