For Worse With A Greater End

chapter 2

I collapsed on my couch from exhaustion too tired to move, I owned an apartment that consist of a mini kitchen living room and a single bedroom.

I just needed a moment to myself to digest  everything that happened today before whats awaiting fully sets in and I did for a couple of minutes.

After that I went to my bedroom which has a double bed with a stand on the sides, a full mirror with a table and necessities on and closet. The bath room had a shower, Bath tub, zinc and whatever else you find in a toilet.
I had a change of clothes after taking a bath and headed to the kitchen for a meal to finish my day.

But that was far from it cause it was at night that my true horror came, a time I never looked up to or got used to no matter how hard or how much effort I put in it all ends the same if not worse.

I heated the food I brought with from the café  in the microwave and set it on two minutes as I stood there counting the numbers as they descend. Yep I was that bored but isn’t that ahabit some of us do though count the numbers as they descent going “tick tock’ tick tock” and before it hits one you quickly open up the microwave with force. {lol yeah I know childish but you also do it , if you don’t then you surely missing out} anyways I decided to catch a movie as I seated myself down on the couch enjoying my munchies as I watched God's not dead for again the hundredths time shoo.  After the movie I went to bed and invited the worst.

I SUFFER FROM WHAT IS RARELY KNOWN AS  PARASOMNIA EPILEPSY sounds serious right well its far from that it’s a punished fron the devil himself delivered to me as a gift for not selling my soul to him and going the other direction.

A curse I have to indure for eternity but  as quoted “you not strong enough until being strong enough is all that’s left” TOAST

Now PE is a sleeping disorder that occurs at night with nightmares that turns into night terrors  of all my past events. It paralyses my whole body and limps so badly resulting in me wetting the bed, I don’t have control after all and yet that’s not even half of it yet it gets terribly worse. 

Although I prefer sleep walking  as weird as that sounds but atleast then im guaranteed not to wash my sheet every GOD damn day
I will have the benefit of doubt that my room wont reek of pee everyother morning I wake up, I might find myself in a uncomftable  position or even dangerous when sleep walking however I will still be breathing at sunrise, its better then dreams that scare the shit out of me , better then waking up screamimg and fighting with unpresent demons or waking up in bed confused,with a loss of memory and vision for a moment.

Telling yourself its okay every morning, easing your heart beats to calm down before a heart attack ends you. Talking yourself out of the situation and praying it would in afar soon future be a worse with a greater end.
What caused it you ask hmmm…. Well simple
It runs in the family
Generics
Yep you heard it right

Currently my mom is suffering from it as she lay in the hospital bed on life support due to other complications as well. Depression, anxiety, fatigue you name it we surely have that in common and you know what she always said
“Its all gonna get better nothing is given without a way out to handle” and as for her I guess it was just too late yet  I still have hope left for her.