Poles Apart

Chapter Thirteen

After the rain yesterday, the atmosphere had cooled down by a lot. Would the sun beat down harsher, or was this the onset of monsoon? I thought to myself as I sat on the patio, with Junior who somehow seemed to understand that I needed some silence.

I absent-mindedly run my hand through Junior's fur, feeling the gentle cooling breeze. What am I doing? I've hated that my father always told people around me more about me than he ever told me. Now, if he's telling me exactly what to do, I wasn't going to back off, for as long as Arjun was okay with this, too, I don't have a problem.

I had always been reserved, ever since I was a kid. That came naturally to me. My friends and I went to the same school for at least five years, before I had a real conversation with any of them. My first response to new people is judgement. Okay, or not okay? If people are okay, there's a chance I might respond. If they are not, it's easy to drive them away.

Out of the okay people, there's more sorting and segregation. People who come through all the rounds of judgement are few. That is why I've only had four friends throughout my school life. In London, I only had one friend, Hope Jenkinson. We are still friends... I think. I had been caught up with everything else, I hadn't replied to her at all. I should. I pick up my phone, quickly sliding down to find her contact and text her on Whatsapp, 'Hey'

I don't wait for the messages, I know it'll take time. She's in London, and in London, it's probably around six in the morning.

"Arvi, what are you still doing here?" Amma asks me when I stepped into the house with Junior trailing behind me.

I snap out of my thoughts. "I was just going up to get dressed."

She runs her scrutinising gaze over me. "Are you re-thinking this, Arvi?" she asks.

"Re-thinking what?" I ask her absent-mindedly.

"Your decision," she says. When I don't respond, she continues to elaborate, "Your decision to marry Arjun."

"No, I was just thinking about my friend, it's been a long time since I talked to her," I tell her honestly.

She's not convinced but she nods anyway, silently letting me go. I use the lift to go to the second floor because Junior is with me and he hasn't learned to climb stairs, yet.

I lean against the glass of the lift, thinking. What am I doing? Is this right? I hadn't told my friends about it, my decision. I'm just... I'm going to say yes to marrying Arjun. Not going to, I've already said yes.

Is that it? In another year or a year and a half at the most, I will have a husband. Another family. I couldn't handle one family for the life of me, and I am walking into another.

I'm pulling Arjun into the mess that I am.

It has been what? A month since I had come back to India? A month and a half? Too much, too soon. What am I doing?

It's not that Arjun's not a nice guy, Arjun is a nice guy. It's just that I know so little about him. Would I, maybe, one day fall in love with him? Is this how arranged marriages are? The girl and guy see each other and with one meeting, they decide whether or not to marry each other. Just like that. The rest of their lives.

A snap in my face brings me back. "Arvi Akka? Hello?" Rohan is waving his hands in front of my face.

I swat his hands away, irritatedly. "Don't snap in my face, Rohan, I don't like it."

"Right, sorry. You've been standing like this for a while now," he says, pointing to my hand on my doorknob.

"Oh," I realise. I lean my forehead against the door of my room, tiredly.