Castle in the City

53

Damien and I sat on my bed after I locked the room door, and he turned his body so that he could look into my eyes.

"Are you okay?" he asked, I sighed while shaking my head.

"I don't know what to do," I said while staring at the covers on my bed.

Damien cupped my chin and lifted my head before saying, "Talk to me."

"I'm just worried that this may be too soon and we won't be able to handle it. Like what if we break up? What happens then? What if it's too much to handle? What if my parents cut us off too? What if we don't have the baby and regret it? I don't know. I'm just so conflicted, and I don't know what exactly you want or what exactly I want either," I vented, and he took my hand in his. "If you know what you want already, just say it now, please. It'll make it a bit easier for me to make a decision too."

"Believe it or not," he sighed, "I'm just as conflicted. I wanna have a family, and I'd definitely love to have one with you-"

I frowned, "Wait, are you... breaking up with me?"

"No," Damien chuckled. "I meant that there's no one else I would rather have a family with."

I chuckled, "Oh, okay. Carry on."

He continued, "But I don't wanna put you through too much. At the end of the day, I'm not the one who'll be carrying the baby or will have to transport up stairs and stuff at school. I'm not the one who'll have to face contractions while trying to study or pay attention during lecture hall. I also gotta take into consideration the fact that you're younger than me and have less experiences. I wanna have a family with you, but I'm not sure right now is the right time. I can't let you burden yourself when we can just wait it out until after your graduation. We can properly plan for a baby and feel confident about this, but if you want to keep this baby, I don't have a problem doing whatever it takes to make sure you're happy and that there isn't a lot of stress on you. If you think that you're ready for the baby, I'll be ready too and more than happy to welcome the baby into our lives. I just want what's best for you."

"What if I take a gap year and then we get a baby sitter or something?" I asked.

Damien nodded, "That could work too, but do you want to take a gap year?"

I shrugged, "I can take as many classes as I can after to finish college the year I'm supposed to. I already started that this year."

"Well, if you can manage and that's what you want, then I support it," he nodded. "You don't have to do this for me though. I know you don't really like kids that much."

"And I know that you really do," I countered.

"Not so badly that I'm willing for you to throw away your life or stunt your progress," he shook his head. "You don't have to have a decision by tonight nor tomorrow. Take your time and carefully think about it."

I nodded and smooched his lips, and he stared lovingly into my eyes.

I shyly asked, "Do you think I should tell my mother or grandmother? I don't want to tell my dad because I know he'll flip, but my mother and grandmother may be more understanding."

"If you feel that way, then yes," Damien nodded. "Whatever support and guidance you need, I'm fine with." I nodded with a light smile, and to ease the mood, Damien teased, "I'll also start looking for a casket for myself because your mother might wanna break me in half, nonetheless."

I chuckled, "You're so silly," and he smooched my lips. "The first time my mother got pregnant, she was 19 too."

"Did she have an abortion?" Damien frowned, and I shook my head. "So you and Nico have an older sibling?" I shook my head again.

"She was shot in the stomach and lost the baby," I answered. "The second time she got pregnant she had already ran away from my father and didn't know she was pregnant until a few months after she left town. She didn't tell him until a year after. I guess what I'm getting at is that she's had her struggles and good experiences with pregnancy and would maybe know what I should do, especially because she didn't start nor finish college until after she had Nico. As for my grandmother, she had her first child a few years after she graduated college. She had planned for it and was able to minimize stress and fears. Their advice would either confuse me more, or help me make a final decision."

Damien nodded I agreement, "Yeah, talking to them both would be good for you. Do you think it would be okay if I sat in? I'd like to hear what they have to say too."

I smiled and nodded, "Just make sure you take that casket with you when you find one."

Damien and I chuckled in response before smooching each other's lips.